Because, despite everything, neither wanted to go but they couldn’t stay.
Not as they once were.
And Vanya was sotiredof the lies coming to light with the people he cared for.
The roots of that truth wrapped around the shattered pieces of his heart, holding it together, because he’d never had the luxury or the space to grieve what he couldn’t have.
Vanya broke the kiss and let go of the vow to slide his fingers through Soren’s hair and pull his head back. He stared down into blown-wide gray eyes and bit at kiss-swollen lips. “I’ll have you tonight. The wardens can take you in the morning.”
He was an emperor—he ruled a nation and commanded Maricol’s strongest army—but he couldn’t make a warden stay by his side.
“Vanya,” Soren murmured, hand sliding over Vanya’s neck to thumb at the hinge of his jaw. “You always had me.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
The ache of betrayal didn’t stop Vanya from leading Soren back to his suite of rooms, to his well-guarded bedroom. The same spell-detecting security Chu Hua had set up in his old office had been set up here. Nothing reacted to Soren stepping inside and closing the door behind him, the lock clicking into place.
Vanya shoved him up against it, slotting his leg between Soren’s and pressing up, pinning him to the door. Soren yanked him into a kiss even as he ground down against Vanya’s thigh, shameless in a way Vanya had always appreciated. A small, vicious voice in the back of his mind wondered if that was a calculating move on the warden’s part.
The thought made him bite at Soren’s lips. “Strip and get on the bed.”
It was familiar, the way they got rid of their clothes in between kisses, in between dragging, teasing touches. Soren’s weapons were handled with far more care than Vanya’s expensive robes, a trail of clothing leading from the door to the bed.
The windows were open to the night, the lone burning gas lamp on the dresser giving off a soft glow bright enough that Vanya could see the freckles scattered across Soren’s skin. It reflected off the gold of the vow that hung from Soren’s throat, a reminder of Vanya’s foolishness when he was younger, when he thought a nameless, stateless warden couldn’t ask for anything dangerous.
Only Soren never had, remaining stubbornly silent on any request, even now, as Vanya pushed him flat to the bed. He hooked his fingers around the chain, pressed his palm over the medallion, keeping Soren in place. He leaned over the warden, claiming his mouth for a kiss that had Soren bringing up a hand to cradle the back of Vanya’s head, holding him close.
Vanya hooked his other hand around the bend of Soren’s knee, pulling his leg up and out, giving him room to settle into the cradle of his hips. Soren’s breath hitched in the back of his throat, the sound quiet between them as their half-hard cocks rubbed against each other. He opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say, Vanya didn’t want to hear it.
He let go of the vow to slide two fingers into Soren’s mouth, pressing down against his tongue. Soren closed his lips around them, groaning when Vanya wrapped his free hand around both their cocks, stroking them. The dry friction was something Vanya teased them both with for a moment, Soren sucking on his fingers. He tipped his head back, and Vanya followed the motion, pushing his fingers deeper until Soren choked on them, words lost.
Hands settled on his shoulders, and Vanya shrugged them off as he straightened up. Soren’s eyes were slits of gray between dark lashes as Vanya took his hands off the warm body beneath him. Soren pressed his knee against Vanya’s ribs, lips spit-slicked. One hand darted out, fingers curling over Vanya’s wrist, pressing into his pulse. “Whatever you need from me, I’ll give it.”
He wanted to believe that, but there was a vow between them that neither could give up. Vanya pulled free of his grip and twisted away from the cradle of his hips, reaching for the nightstand drawer and the oil kept there. Soren watched him with those stormy eyes of his, not bothering to hide the wealth of emotion in them, and Vanya—Vanya couldn’t look at him like this.
Like he belonged, when he didn’t, when he couldn’t, no matter what Callisto had said.
“Turn over,” Vanya said roughly.
Soren’s abdominal muscles flexed as he sat up, stealing a gentle kiss that Vanya let him have before getting on his hands and knees, which wasn’t quite what Vanya wanted. So he reached out with his left hand, pressing it between the wings of Soren’s shoulder blades, and pushed him facedown onto the bed.
Soren grunted softly, elbows bending, not fighting in any way when Vanya knew he could. He stretched his arms over his head, fingers brushing against the wooden headboard as Vanya leaned his weight on Soren to keep him in place. His knees were bent, legs splayed wide, spine curved to put his ass on display.
Vanya bent over him, cock rubbing against his ass even as he pushed two fingers into Soren with no teasing, no warning, breath blowing hot over Soren’s ear. “Did you ever even mean it?”
Soren’s mouth parted on a rough groan, hips shifting against the intrusion, but he had no leverage like this, bent to Vanya’s will, face turned to the side while he panted for breath. He swallowed loudly, voice sounding strangled when Vanya curled his fingers to press against that spot inside. Soren pushed back against the touch, arms flexing, and Vanya rested more of his weight on him, keeping him pinned.
Vanya skimmed his teeth over the curve of Soren’s left shoulder, watching how Soren’s hands pressed flat against the headboard, fingers tense. He added a third finger, too soon, he knew, but too angry—too hurt—to stop. The whine that escaped Soren’s lips was a shattered bit of sound that made Vanya’s cock twitch between them. “Answer me.”
“Always,” Soren ground out lowly, body rocking into his touch as much as he could, breath coming quick and rapid. “I never lied about that. I couldn’t. Iwanted—”
He broke off with a ragged, wordless sound. Vanya closed his eyes, pressed his forehead against the knobs of Soren’s spine at the nape of his neck. He pulled his fingers out and thrust them back in hard, listening to the hitch in Soren’s lungs. When he spoke, his lips brushed against warm skin, a gentle caress. “But you lied about everything else.”
“Vanya—”
“I trusted you,” Vanya ground out into the hot air between them, closing his eyes for a brief second against the light, feeling torn open and desperate. “I trusted you with Raiah. With my—”
He broke off, clenching his teeth together to hold back a confession he couldn’t ever speak, not now. He removed his fingers and sat up, keeping his other hand pressed to Soren’s back, refusing to let him up. Soren didn’t move, breathing raggedly where Vanya had put him, always willing to submit to Vanya’s desire.
