Vanya stroked his hard cock with the remainder of oil on his fingers before digging his knees into the mattress, spreading Soren’s legs wider. His ass tilted higher with the motion, and Vanya rocked his hips forward, just enough that his cock could slide against the crease of his ass. He stayed there for a moment, aching with the twin urges to stay or go. Then Soren moved his head, looking at him through damp lashes, gaze steady and warm.
“I know,” he said, the words coming out soft like a secret prayer.
Vanya’s hands spasmed against Soren’s body. Taking a deep breath, he fit his cockhead against Soren’s slick hole, pushing in slowly, relentless, Soren moaning beneath him, the warden’s hands scratching at the headboard. He turned his face into the mattress, voice muffled against the sheets, but Vanya heard him anyway, quiet and begging.
“Please. Vanya,please.”
He sank into that tight, clenching warmth until he was pressed up flush against Soren, cock throbbing. Vanya curled over Soren, hips flexing with the motion as he drew in a harsh breath. Soren’s moan sent a hard shiver jerking down his spine, and he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the nearest stretch of sweat-slick skin. Then Vanya pulled out nearly all the way before thrusting forward hard enough to shove Soren a few inches up the bed.
Soren let out a strangled shout, hands scrabbling to better brace himself against the headboard. Vanya didn’t give him time to get settled, to adjust, driving in with hard, punishing thrusts that Soren tried to meet, but the stretch of his body, the bend of his spine, didn’t give him much leverage. He could only take whatever Vanya gave him, cock left untended no matter how much begging he did.
“Please, please touch me,” Soren begged, face turned to the side, a flush to his cheeks that was spreading down his throat.
Vanya grunted, sinking in deep and grinding hard against Soren’s ass, listening to the way the warden keened at the pressure against his prostate. “Do you think you deserve it?”
Soren moaned, shoulders curving up, elbows digging into the mattress, but Vanya’s hand on his back kept him where he was. “I—”
Vanya hooked his other hand around Soren’s hip, hauling him up just that little bit higher to keep him from gaining any friction from the sheets below. He pulled back, cock sliding almost all the way out, Soren’s hole clenching desperately around the head. “Tell me.”
The shout Soren let out when Vanya thrust back in with enough force to lift Soren’s knees off the bed could probably be heard by all thepraetorialegionnaires standing guard outside the bedroom. Vanya grunted, keeping to that same punishing pace as Soren writhed and wailed beneath him. He slid his hand up Soren’s back, tangling in his hair to pull his head up at a sharp angle. Vanya licked a hot stripe up his neck, breath blowing hot over Soren’s ear. “Tell me.”
“I don’t deserve you,” Soren gasped out wetly, the words stuttering in his mouth on every thrust from Vanya’s cock. “But I wish I did.”
Vanya groaned, removing his hand from Soren’s back and hair, shifting so he could hook both beneath his shoulders and haul him up. Vanya rocked back onto his heels, bringing Soren with him. He wrapped an arm around Soren’s torso, his other hand on Soren’s hip to drag the warden down onto his cock where he belonged, split open and begging and crying out Vanya’s name loud enough that everyone would know who he belonged to.
Soren turned his head, eyes closed, lashes damp, the sheen of tears on his cheeks. Vanya fucked up into him hard enough that he heard the clack of Soren’s teeth when they came together, a gasp slipping past them.
“You had me,” Vanya growled as he thrust up again and again, the sound of flesh slapping together a steady counterpoint to Soren’s hitching gasps. “No one else ever did, but youhadme.”
Soren keened, high and broken as he came untouched on a particularly hard thrust, cock spurting his release over his stomach and the bed. Vanya tangled his fingers in Soren’s hair, wrenching his head around for a biting, bruising kiss as he kept fucking into Soren, chasing something that might have been pleasure but only felt like loss, like grief.
When he came, the burn of it shook through him as he spilled into Soren’s weakly clenching hole, grinding up and holding on and wishing tonight would never end. Breathing harshly, Vanya wrapped his arms around Soren’s torso, hands splayed over warm skin as he sank fully down onto his heels, Soren in his lap, filled with his softening cock.
They breathed together for a moment, Soren shivering against him, tiny twitches of his body that Vanya gentled with careful touches of his hands. When Soren finally caught his breath, he reached up to slide his hand over Vanya’s, interlacing their fingers together. Vanya bent his head and pressed a lingering kiss to Soren’s shoulder. Eventually, he pulled his hand free and eased Soren up, sliding the warden off his cock. When Soren made to move away from him, Vanya snagged the warden’s wrist without a second thought, holding on, wanting to be selfish one last time.
Soren stilled, turning to look over his shoulder at Vanya, the famed neutrality of wardens nowhere in his gaze. All Vanya could see in those familiar gray eyes was a fragile sort of longing that he couldn’t soothe.
Not anymore.
“You had me,” Vanya said again into the fraught silence between them, voice aching with so much he couldn’t say.
Soren closed his eyes, expression crumbling, before he gently tugged himself free of Vanya’s grip and crawled back over to him until they were almost—but not quite—touching. Soren’s eyes were red-rimmed, hair sweaty and sticking to his forehead. He smelled like sweat and the sex they’d just had, naked and messy and everything Vanya had ever wanted over the years. But it had all been a lie, and Vanya couldn’t risk his country any more than he already had.
He wouldn’t—couldn’t—make that mistake again.
Soren leaned in, bridging the distance, until his face was so close his features were blurred, the vow dangling from his throat like a noose that Vanya had placed there years ago. His lips brushed gently over Vanya’s, breath ghosting across his skin, the words barely louder than a whisper. “I won’t ask for myself.”
Vanya let out a harsh breath, pressing his knuckles to Soren’s collarbone before flattening his hand over warm skin. Soren leaned into the touch for a brief moment before he pulled away to get dressed with hands that shook only a little. Vanya stayed where he was, committing the sight of Soren to memory, because he wouldn’t get tomorrow, and tonight felt like a fever dream of the worst kind.
Once Soren secured his weapons, they stared at each other in silence, and Vanya kept his teeth locked together, wishing the ache in his chest was something he could burn away. Then Soren returned to the bed only long enough to kiss Vanya one last time, a desperate, bruising thing that left them both gasping when Soren finally wrenched his mouth away.
“I’m sorry,” Soren ground out raggedly, the words regretful, almost mournful, before turning toward the door. “I’msorry.”
He left, never looking back, and Vanya spent what remained of the night wishing Soren had.
Nine
SOREN
