“Lyosha,” Alexei stubbornlycountered.
Sean blinked at him rapidly, breathing a little ragged around the edges. “After everythingIdid—”
Alexei couldn’t stop the angry sound that escaped his mouth. “Youdid nothing. Notyouwho—”
“I didn’t get us out in time!” Sean spit out, hands shaking as he ducked his head in shame. “I couldn’t makehimstop.”
Alexei swore, the Russian words a jumbled mess coming out of his mouth. He reached for Sean, but Sean jerked away, stumbling backward and nearly falling over. Alexei snarled wordlessly in frustrated pain, dragging his hands through his hair and yanking on it hard before turning his backonSean.
The only sound in his ears for a good half minute was his own harsh breathing. Alexei was suddenlyso tired, which was ridiculous, because he’d done nothing but lounge on the couch all day, catching up on shows while his family kept him company. Alexei swallowed, absently wondering if Kyle had brought back the bottle of vodka from Jamie’s place like he said he would theotherday.
“I’m sorry,” Sean whispered into the strainedsilence.
“Not your fault, Senya,” Alexei said gruffly. “Never your fault. Say to youalways.”
He turned around and approached Sean again. Alexei stopped where he was when he saw Sean tense up, but he didn’t stop trying to get through to him. Reaching out, Alexei grasped Sean’s hand in his, keeping hold of him even when he tried to pull away. He could feel Sean’s pulse in his wrist, beating fast against his fingertips. He lifted Sean’s hand to his face, pressing it flat against his cheek. He used his other hand to catch Sean by the chin and gently tilt his head up, finally catchinghiseye.
“Touch not hurt me,kotyonok. Couldneverhurt.”
Sean’s expressioncrumpled, and Alexei didn’t hesitate to pull Sean into his arms and hold him tight. Alexei tucked Sean’s head beneath his chin and closed his eyes, breathing in sharply through his nose as he felt Sean’s entire body shudder in his arms. He rubbed his nose against Sean’s hair, jaw working as he tried to hold back his own tears, but failed miserably. He could feel them slide down his cheeks and drip into Sean’s hair, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. That would require moving his arms, which wasn’t happeningrightnow.
Alexei refused to let Sean go, holding him close as Sean cried soundlessly for several minutes before the burst of emotion tapered off. His hands dug into Alexei’s back with tight fingers, the pressure more comforting thanpainful.
“I didn’t think you’d want to see me,” Sean mumbled against hisshoulder.
There were layers to those words that Alexei was too tired to peel away. So he settled for the only thing that mattered to them right now—the truth. “Always want you,Senya.”
Sean rubbed his nose against Alexei’s chest before sighing. “I don’t think…watching is going to take some time. For me to getbackinto.”
Alexei choked back the anger, quiet and mournful though it was, as he realized that was yet another thing Cillian had taken from them aside from the safety and security they’d both felt before Sean’s apartment was blown up. Alexei had always gotten joy out of watching his lovers in bed, and it had taken a while to help Sean get comfortable with it as well. His relief at knowing Sean needed time was telling in itsownway.
“We start slow,” Alexei murmured. “Take time,da? Work up tomirror.”
The smile that curved Alexei’s mouth was a far cry from the one he usually wore in moments like this. He hid it against Sean’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, then another. He kissed his way slowly down the side of Sean’s face, lips sliding over salty tear tracks. Sean lifted his head away from Alexei’s body, blinking up at him with lashes clumped together from crying, face and eyes red from it. Alexei kissed the remnants of his tears away, finding his way to Sean’smouth.
Alexei brushed his lips gently over Sean’s, stealing his breath. “Say for me.Pozhaluysta.”
Sean hesitated, and Alexei let him, but he didn’t have to wait forever. “We’ll be okay,Lyosha.”
The relief he felt at hearing his name like that on Sean’s lips—his body might be healed, but that went a long, long way toward patching over the cracks in his psyche. Alexei closed the miniscule distance between them to kiss Sean as gently as he could. Sean parted his lips, drawingAlexeiin.
The taste of Sean washed away the memory of blood that lingered even while he was awake. Alexei groaned, dragging his hands down Sean’s back to span the length of his waist and press him close. Sean didn’t fight him, not this time, stroking one hand over Alexei’s cheek again to cradlehisjaw.
They kissed and kissed andkissed, and it was like breathing even when there was no air left in theirlungs.
“Lyosha,” Sean mumbled against his mouth, barely pulling away to speak the words. “Iwas—”
“What?” Alexei replied, making it practically impossible for Sean to respond by sucking on hisbottomlip.
Sean drew his head back, putting some distance between them. “Before…before I lost my apartment? I was going to ask you to move inwithme.”
The quiet grief in Sean’s voice made Alexei’s heart ache. He touched a finger to Sean’s mouth, staring down at him, counting the seconds before Sean had tolookaway.
“Okay,” Alexei murmured, turning his head to kiss at the hinge ofSean’sjaw.
Sean arched against him, the reaction practically instinctive whenever Alexei got his mouth on Sean’s throat, and he was glad to see that hadn’t changed at least. “Okay? The apartment isdestroyed.”
Alexei sucked gently at Sean’s skin, unsure how Sean would react to bruises blooming on his body so soon after—after. “So? Get new one. Make Jamie payforit.”
