“Whoa, okay, calm down,” Kyle said worriedly as he stepped into the room, a concerned look on his face. “Can Itouchyou?”
Kyle’s hands hovered over Sean’s shoulders, and he thought about stepping away, but there was nowhere for himtorun.
“Right, I’m just gonna…stand over here.” Kyle stepped to the side and gave Sean a clear route to the only exit out of the room. It was enough to help get himself under control again. “Just so you know, I’m not mad at you. I didn’t come to yell or anything, just to talk. Uh, you’re still not talking,right?”
Sean took a deep breath and tried to calm down before retrieving his tablet from the bed to type up aresponse.No.
Kyle shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “Okay. So, we brought Lyosha home yesterday and got him settled in. I dropped off our family at the airport on my way back to base today, so he’s probably moping at home right now. He’s been asking nonstopaboutyou.”
Sean tightened his fingers on the tablet, trying to figure out what to type, but nothing came to mind. Kyle’s gaze was direct, an intense focus that Sean couldn’t face for very long before he had tolookaway.
“He’s not angry, for what it’s worth,” Kyle said quietly. “He told me some of whathappened—”
Seanflinched.
“—and I can kind of see why you think he wouldn’t want to see you, but that’s bullshit. It wasn’t your fault what happened. You didn’t have achoice.”
Kyle made it sound so easy, but he hadn’t been there. He hadn’t watched Cillian hurt Alexei based on the cues Sean had given. He hadn’t watched the manhelov—
Sean cut that thought off, refusing to gothere.
“I killed him, you know. Got an official dressing down and everything, but I kind of consider that a badge of honor at thispoint.”
Sean knew all about how Cillian had died. Gracie and the psychologist assigned to him had deemed it important information he needed to know. He hadn’t known Kyle had been punishedforit.
At Sean’s questioning look, Kyle only smiled toothily. “Fuckingworthit.”
Sean opened his mouth, but the words of thanks weren’t coming, and that frustrated him to no end. He turned and tossed the tablet angrily on the bed, running a hand throughhishair.
“I know enough about trauma like this to know it takes time to process. I know you and Lyosha are both off active duty until the shrinks clear you. I’m not a shrink, but I kind of think seeing Lyosha might help you both out. You can punch me later if I’m wrong,” Kyle saidcarefully.
If it was anyone else coming to Sean’s door, asking him to go see Alexei, he’d have dug in his heels and stayed where he was. But it was Kyle, Alexei’s brother, someone who would have a deeper insight into Alexei’s state of mind thananyoneelse.
Sean could only nod, slowly, andgivein.
Kyle’s look of relief was almost painful to see. “Thankyou.”
Sean wasn’t confined to base, but he technically should have let someone know he was leaving with Kyle. He had therapy scheduled for tomorrow, but he figured he’d back in time to make theappointment.
Sooner, really, if Alexei didn’t want to see himafterall.
Sean tried not to think about that, but it was all he could focus on during the drive to the apartment Alexei shared with Kyle. He was a little surprised when Kyle didn’t pull into the garage entrance but parked out front in the passenger loading zone, engineidling.
Kyle gave him a shrug. “I have a couple of errandstorun.”
Sean had a pretty good idea that was code for spending time with Jamie, but he wasn’t going to argue. Sighing, he opened the car door and got out, trying to hide the fact his hands were shaking. Standing on the pavement, he thought about getting back in the car, about telling Kyle he couldn’tdothis.
In the end, Sean took a step forward, because if he was willing to fight and die for his country, he’d damn well better be willing to fight against his own fears forAlexei.
* * *
The knockon his front door had Alexei automatically reaching for his gun. He kept the television on as he stood up from the couch and silently approached the door on bare feet. He thumbed the safety off halfway there, resting his finger against the trigger guard. Kyle had said he was running an errand almost two hours ago, which Alexei knew to mean he was probably at Jamie’s condo. Besides, Kyle had access to the apartment. After everything that had happened in the last week, he wasn’t taking anychances
Alexei accessed the control panel and brought up the security feed of the hallway outside their door. The second he saw who it was, Alexei closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wall, taking a deep breath that hurt. Then he stabbed a finger at the control panel and unlocked the door. It slid open, and he came face-to-face with Sean for the first timeindays.
For a moment, they just stared at each other. Alexei drank in the sight of him, glad to see all the wounds he’d sustained at Cillian’s hands were completely healed. His own hands twitched with the need to reach for Sean, viscerally reminded of the way he’d been tied down in that chair, watching as Cillian used him as a punching bag when he wasn’t breakingteeth.
“Senya,” Alexei managed to get out in a low, strained voice. “Not know youcomeby.”
