I’m making this photo my Christmas card. Travis finally got laid AND learned how to smile: It’s a holiday miracle.
I switch my phone off.
EPILOGUE
DEVIN
The story currently glowing up on QueerWaystoFallinLove is definitely going to break TruthGuardian.
I’d been obsessed with my favorite singer for years, but after I saw a video showing a tour through his pretentious apartment, I made a parody video of it.
I was just a broke college student procrastinating on my marketing assignment, so I filmed myself giving a tour of my disaster of an apartment, mocking his designer furniture and aurora borealis-inspired bedroom. The video went viral overnight (12 million views!!!). Then a guy jumped into my inbox claiming to be the celebrity and said my video was hilarious. I humored the guy, and somehow, it ended up with us spending a month messaging each other almost constantly as we got to know each other.
We finally arranged to meet, and yeah, let’s just say, I had the biggest surprise of my life that night… We’ve now been together two years, and I’ve never been happier.
I’m curled up on one end of our couch, the one Travis insisted on testing in twelve different positions before purchasing, watching for his reaction. He’s on the opposite end, laptop balanced on his knees, wearing his Thursday night pajamas—yes, he has designated sleepwear for each day of the week, and yes, I love him for it.
Travis’s typing is getting increasingly aggressive.
TruthGuardian
The statistical probability of a celebrity responding to a parody video is approximately 0.00001%.
SunshineGuy
But it’s not zero! Also, you’re making up that number.
TruthGuardian
I calculated it based on follower count, engagement rates, and the average number of viral videos per platform per day.
SunshineGuy
You did not calculate that in the thirty seconds since I approved the post.
TruthGuardian
I have a spreadsheet for celebrity interaction probabilities. I started it after you made me watch that documentary about parasocial relationships.
I glance over at him. He’s got his concentration face on, where he pushes his glasses up and gets this little crease between his eyebrows. It’s the same face he made when he was trying to figure out the optimal reorganization for our bookshelves whenI moved in—by genre, then alphabetically by author, with a separate section for “books Devin will actually finish.”
SunshineGuy
That spreadsheet better be on our shared drive. I need to see this.
TruthGuardian
It’s filed under “Evidence of Devin’s Romantic Delusions” right next to your spreadsheet of “Times Travis Admitted He Was Wrong.”
SunshineGuy
That’s a very short spreadsheet. So far, it only has two entries.
Our cat—yes, Ernest Hemingpaw officially becameoursafter his actual owner moved and asked if we wanted to adopt him—jumps onto Travis’s laptop keyboard.
TruthGuardian
asdfjkl;234
