SunshineGuy
Maybe they worked opposite shifts?
TruthGuardian
And we’re supposed to believe someone just accepts random baked goods from a stranger? That’s how you end up on true-crime podcasts. “She ate the mystery muffins. It was a fatal mistake.”
SunshineGuy
Oh my god, now you have people plotting murder via pastry. Besides, who’s turning down free croissants?
My fingers are flying rapidly across my keyboard as I reply to him.
TruthGuardian
Someone with a functioning sense of self-preservation? Also, “increasingly flirty notes?” What does that even mean? Did they progress from “please, stop” to “please, stop, you beautiful flour-covered disaster?”
SunshineGuy
I’m imagining a whole progression. Week 1: “SOME PEOPLE HAVE JOBS.” Week 8: “The cinnamon rolls were divine, but you’re still Satan.” Week 16: “Are you single? Asking for the cookies.”
I huff out at laugh at that. But I won’t let SunshineGuy distract me. Time for some math.
TruthGuardian
Let me check apartment building statistics… Okay, the average apartment building has 8-12 units per floor. The probability of not running into your immediate upstairs neighbor for six months is approximately 0.003%.
SunshineGuy
You did NOT just calculate that.
TruthGuardian
I have a spreadsheet for everything, remember?
SunshineGuy
Do you have a spreadsheet for “likelihood of romance via baked goods?”
TruthGuardian
I do now. Column A: Type of Baked Good. Column B: Romantic Success Rate. Column C: Risk of Poisoning.
SunshineGuy
This is why you’re single, isn’t it?
TruthGuardian
Says the person defending someone who apparently fell in love with their ceiling.
SunshineGuy
Okay, but here’s the thing—sometimes written communication IS easier than face-to-face. Like, you can be braver in writing. Say things you’d never say aloud.
Something uncomfortable twists in my chest.
Because he’s right. I am definitely braver in writing. I’ve said more to SunshineGuy in two years of moderating the forum than I’ve said to most people I’ve known my entire life. It’s easier to be honest with someone who only exists as words on a screen.
