He’d meant it as a jest, but when I didn’t respond, only sucked down another deep lungful ofloresmoke, he shut the door to my private quarters. Behind me, I heard him cross to the closed balcony doors. The metal shifted when he opened them, and a funnel of icy wind swept through my room, like a keeper intent on clearing away all traces of the smoke.
“Close it,” I growled, feeling the icy chill on the back of my neck. I couldn’t stand it. Every sensation against my skin was too much. I was overstimulated, at all times of the day. Even clothing scratched at me uncomfortably, which was why I was naked, sprawled out in the chair.
My brother came to stand in front of me, temporarily blocking out the fire flickering in the hearth behind him.
I scoffed. “Maudoric must be really worried if she sent for you.”
Thaine assessed my sorry state, his brows furrowing. “What’s happened, Kaldur?”
“Nothing. And I don’t want to hear whatever you’re going to say,” I snapped.
“Yet you obviously need to,” came my brother’s response. His tone was careful, but even I could hear the concern lacing through the words. Thaine wasn’t one to show his emotions readily. He was like Kythel in that way, whereas a lot of me ran hot like our eldest brother, Azur.
“Tell me,” Thaine insisted. He dropped down onto the rug in front of me so that we were eye level.
“Don’t. Get up, will you?”
“At least put some damn clothes on,” Thaine grumbled. “You think I want to get an eyeful of your cockever? On Raazos, what’s wrong with you?”
That brought out a resigned laugh from me, one which felt foreign. I hadn’t laughed in weeks.
“What, no clever retort?” Thaine questioned, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine. “Now I’m really worried.”
I rose from the chair and went to my dresser. My limbs felt heavy and uncoordinated, but I managed to pull on some pants and a tunic, all while keeping the slimlorepipe firmly pressed between my lips.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I told him. “Go back to Salaire.”
“Maudoricisworried about you,” Thaine told me. “She has reason to be. I’m worried about you too, now that I see you. I’ve been wondering why you’ve been avoiding my Com calls.”
When I turned back to him, even his keen observation set me on edge. I felt like I was a moment away from a berserker rage. Day or night, it didn’t matter. It was hellish. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. Preserved blood made me want to gag now that I knew the taste of mykyrana’s blood.
No, don’t let your thoughts wander to her,I commanded silently.Not when Thaine is here.
“Let’s go outside to the balcony,” he suggested, rising and leading me, like I was child, to the open paneled door. “You need some fresh air.” A pause came. “And a fucking bath.”
“You going to watch me take one of those too?” I grumbled.
“If I have to,” he replied simply. “And I’ve already seen more of you than I care to in my lifetime.”
Out on the balcony, the biting rush of the wind made me clench my teeth. Too much sensation. I almost turned to retreat, but Thaine plucked mylorepipe from my fingertips and leaned his forearms against the balcony banister, taking a drag. I needed that back before I could leave.
“You came here in this wind?” I asked when the silence stretched.
“Yeah, so let me smoke a little,” came his reply. “It wasn’t easy trying to reach you.”
The longer I stayed out on the balcony, the more bearable the wind became. Soon I was even able to relax, though my head was cleared of the thick, comforting smoke inside the room. I’d been convinced that thelorewas the only thing preventing me from a rage.
“Tell me what’s going on,” Thaine ordered.
Had I really thought I could hide it from my family for very long? From Thaine?
I looked out over Vyaan, at the warm yellow glow from the Halo orbs being installed along the South Road and the quiet landscape surrounding it all. The forests and mountains and fields.
Quietly, I confessed, “I found mykyrana.”
Thaine sucked in a sharp, startled breath, and I felt him turn toward me, those brilliant green eyes hardening.
“And then I drove her away.”
