I nearly gasped at how hard that question hit me.
“I do think you’re young and naive,” Kaldur said. “But I also think you’re more calculating than you appear. You fooled even me…for a little while. But I see now what you’re trying to accomplish. Do you think you’re the first female to try to use me for my House, for my title? Every female in my acquaintance has tried. You are certainly not the first, and you will certainly not be the last.”
“I haven’t,” I argued, narrowing my eyes on him. “You’re just so—so jaded that you can’t see that. That you suspect me for doing something that I haven’t done!”
Kaldur laughed, bitter and dark. “You said you wanted something more with me. That would imply a lasting position within this House. And I’ll tell you right now, Erina, I’d be more than happy to make you my mistress, if that’s your ambition. But that’s the highest you will ever ascend yourself in my keep.”
My breath felt squeezed from my lungs.
“I’m surprised you would make me your mistress, considering that the sex was justfine,” I replied hollowly.
Thatmade his lips press together. A muscle in his jaw jumped as his nostrils flared. Did he look guilty, or was that just my imagination? I couldn’t trust my perception of reality anymore because I’d been so, so wrong about Kaldur. I’d thought he’d cared about me. Every lingering look, every whispered exhalation against my skin, every meaningful touch or genuine laugh.
It had all been a lie I’d told myself.
“Can I ask you something?” I started. “Did you care when youleft me in your room that night? Did you even think to check on me afterward?”
“Check on you afterwhat? Sex?” he asked. “This is what I’m talking about, Erina. You expect far too much of me.”
“It’s basic decency,” I argued quietly, shocked at the reply. I bit my lip. “I’d never…I’d never been with a male before. That had been my first time.”
His eyes widened. His lips parted with a scoff. “Do youreallyexpect me to believe that? Gods! How manipulative you are!”
He didn’tbelieveme.
I hadn’t expected that, and it made me feel like my insides were being scraped raw. The ache was excruciating.
“Manipulative,” I breathed. “You made me feel so discarded, Kaldur. Like what happened didn’t mean anything. I’m telling you the truth, whether you want to believe it or not.”
“You got what you wanted that night,” he said, dismissing my words. His expression was unreadable, but for some reason, it struck me asstung. “Youmade that choice. You came back into the room. So don’t give me that. You got what you came for, didn’t you? We both did.”
He meant his feeding.
“And that’s all I am to you,” I said, realization crashing down on me. “Blood.A means to an end. That’s so…”
I took a deep breath, turning from him briefly to re-center my thoughts.
“That’s so tragic,” I finally decided softly. “That you have everything in the world you could possibly want…and you only see people as morethingsto possess. You used me. For one thing only. I thought…I thought you were different.”
“And what about you?” Kaldur replied, stepping toward me until I had to tilt my head back to look up at him again. He took my chin in his grasp. “You haven’t even washed it off. I can still smell it. Your precious gift from Luc Denoren in Laras.”
The name made me gasp. “How do you?—”
He’d looked into him.
“I know all about your plan,” Kaldur said, his eyes hardening like metal, his tone mocking. “Velle told me.”
“Velle?” I breathed, shaking my head. I didn’t understand. “What are you talking about?”
“She told me about how you wanted to secure credits so you could finally be reunited with him, that everything you do is only to get back to him. I know you write him letters, send him money. I know you’ve been in frequent contact. I know that all you want is to be with him, no matter the price. You thinkIusedyou? What do you call what you’re doing?”
“That’s not…that’s not…” I started, my mind jumbled. I hadn’t expected him to say Luc’s name. It threw me, like two realities colliding that I always thought of as separate spheres. “You don’t understand. I love Luc—he’salwaysbeen there for me.Of courseI want to see him! But it’s not the same thing.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Kaldur said, pinning me with a hard glare as he released my chin, as if in disgust. His fangs had elongated at the mere mention of Luc’s name, and for the first time, I felt a thrill of fear sizzle within my belly. He bellowed, “You just admitted it to me! And you can try to twist it however you want, but itisthe same thing.”
I stumbled back, my heart racing. When I turned, I heard Kaldur hiss out a sharp breath, as if to calm himself.
Silence dropped between us. I stared at the wall of his study, textured in arching patterns that reminded me of depictions of wind.
