It was the best damn sleep of my entire life.
CHAPTER 39
ERINA
It had been two nights since Kaldur had begun sleeping in my bed.
Two days and nights of being more aware of him in a way I’d never been before. I’d never slept beside a male before. Not once. There had been a young human girl at Wrezaan’s who’d sometimes gotten nightmares. And I would let her crawl in beside me and soothe her back to sleep.
But that was a far cry from sleeping next to Kaldur—whose solid bulk, whose scent, whose touch made me feeltoomuch.
I’d never felt safer. I’d never felt so out of control. I’d never felt so needful. I’d never felt this shredding divide between what Iwantedand what was logically best to keep my heart safe.
Two nights of Kaldur of House Kaalium. Two nights of lying in his arms, of feeling his palm gently rest on my belly, as if he wanted to keep our child safe in sleep too. Two nights of imagining that hand sliding to very different places of my body, of gleaming silver eyes that could tear me apart and wicked words coupled with a curled smirk that could make me do anything he pleased.
I imagined it all, squirming beside him even as he sleptsoundly. He slept hot, I’d learned, and he only made me burn even hotter.
Last night, however, he’d smelled my arousal, a frustrating effect of his better-than-human senses. I heard him drag in a deep breath, a low groaning grumble tumbling back out. “Erina,” he’d murmured, his hot exhale on the back of my neck. His arms had tightened around me as he’d pleaded, “Have mercy on me,dallia.”
My face had flamed hot. “I can’t help it.”
Recently my body didn’t feel like my own. Or maybe it was, it was just like a different part of me had been unlocked. We’d had sex once. A single time. My only time.
Yet…I craved it. I craved him. Especially after his confession that night in the kitchen. About what he’d truly thought about our lovemaking that fateful night.
Kaldur had behaved last night, however. Much to my…disappointment? I thought it’d been for the best, but I couldn’t help but wish that hewould’vetouched me. He’d been strumming his fingers across my hip, and I’d nearly shifted over to make them caress between my thighs. Maybe then he would give me what I actually wanted.
I was frustrated and turned on and missing him and hating it. Sometimes at night I just wanted to scream—or beg.
Two nights of exquisite torture beside him.
But on the third night, he didn’t return.
I’d seen him at dinner since we’d taken it together. But then Maudoric had interrupted us toward the end, leaning down to inform Kaldur, in a quiet voice, “Trouble along the borders.”
I’d frowned, sudden concern rising, but Kaldur hadn’t seemed worried. He’d left, however, and I hadn’t seen him since.
It was nearing midnight, and I’d been wandering the keep, the feeling of anxiousness not leaving me.
I’d ended up in the North Wing, to the starlight hallway Iloved so dearly and into the sitting room where everything had changed.
Through the large arched window, I saw that the rounding moon was bright enough to illuminate the darkened landscape of Vyaan. The mountain range to the east, the golden lights of the villages to the west and north.
There was no sign of Kaldur’s familiar wings flaring against the night sky, however. And to the north, theredidseem to be an accumulation of lights. Very near to where I’d grown up at Wrezaan’s. But from this distance, I couldn’t see much of anything except the cluster of the glow.
Wrapping my arms tighter around my body, I drifted away from the window, turning to inspect the quiet, abandoned sitting room.
There was a sensation at the back of my neck, like an icy ribbon of a touch that danced there. It was nearly the moon winds again, and the lost souls were always more active. They were completely harmless, however, though their exploration could be jarring. When I walked forward into the room, I even felt the sensation across my belly.
My gaze ventured around the room, noticing that it had been cleaned recently. Once, this room had been my responsibility.
I remembered discovering Kaldur here. With Lydrasa. Just the mere thought brought a sharp stab of jealousy, especially when my eyes went to the couch where she’d been bent over.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I hated that she knew his body better than I did. I hadn’t even been able towatchhim when we’d had sex. He’d pressed my front into his bed, taking me from behind.
“Stop,” I told myself, my whisper shockingly loud in the quiet room.
To distract myself, I ventured to the cabinet where I’d shoved the vase pieces into, wondering if they were still there. When I pulled open the drawer, a sigh of dismay escaped me, my hand touching the cleaned-out wood, not a speck left behind.
