No,I decided, my bleary gaze going back to the painting on the opposite wall.Not broken, just tilted.
I wanted to help put her right again. I wanted to help put the light back into her eyes because it had been dim since she’d returned from Laras. Did she even realize?
I didn’t know how long I stayed in the room, but eventually I stood, my bones aching. Iwashungry—she’d been right. Weaker. I didn’t feel like myself.
Crossing to the opposite wall, I took the painting off the remaining nail. The wood frame nearly broke apart in my hands, but a plan formed. A gift I wanted to give Erina. Maybe it would spark her again. And I wanted nothing more than to ignite her, to bring her to life again.
With the painting firmly tucked against me, I left the decaying orphanage. It would rot here, consumed by the land. Perhaps I’d have it destroyed. Perhaps I’d build something new here in its stead. An art house. A creative retreat. A museum. She would like that. Perhaps I’d dedicate it in Erina’s name.
When I returned to the keep, I still felt restless and aching. It was a new kind of hellish punishment to have my mate so near and feel like Ishouldn’tgo to her.
I tucked the painting safely in a corner of my quarters. I would get it reframed and begin work on Erina’s gift in themorning. Even if it made her even a little delighted, it would be well worth it.
I bathed to try to calm my racing heart, but even in the warm pool I couldn’t relax.
I paced my quarters. I smoked someloreout on the balcony, hoping the icy chill would dull my wanting. Nothing did, however, and I should’ve known that by now.
She was so close I could practically scent her through the walls.
Eventually I gave in, wondering if she would turn me away. I strode from my room and went down one set of doors to her quarters. For a moment, I leaned my forehead against the door, listening to my ragged heart.
When I pushed it open, the room was dark. I went to her bedroom, and immediately her scent swarmed my senses. All around me, like an embrace. My shoulders relaxed. It was like the bestloreI could buy.
Erina was sleeping. When I walked to the opposite side of the bed, I studied her, her expression softened in dreams, and beneath the heavy blankets, I saw the roundness of her belly.
Safe,I thought. My throat went tight as tears threatened to prick my eyes.
I slid into bed beside her. I didn’t want to wake her, but I wanted her in my arms, so it was inevitable.
She was startled awake though her eyelids were heavy. The only source of light was the silvery moon outside the balcony doors, and it crept over the blankets like crawling vines.
“Kaldur?” she asked, tone groggy.
She was warm and soft and smelled divine. My arm went beneath her head as I pulled her toward me. We’d never shared a bed together. We’d onlyusedmine the night I’d gotten her pregnant—another sharp regret that panged through me. Not regret for our growing child, but merely the way it had happened.Another strike against me, another mistake I needed to make up for.
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
I thought of the orphanage and a little human girl with brown eyes and red hair, who’d stared at a painting and dreamed ofeverything.
Determination swelled.
“I told you I’m a selfish bastard,” I murmured, trying to fight back the damn tears that threatened to spill. So many regrets. How could I ever make amends? “Because this is how it’ll be between us, Erina. I know I don’t deserve you, not yet at least, but Ican’tbe without you anymore. You’re mykyrana. I will be in this bed when you fall asleep, and I will be here when you wake. I can’t stand to be parted any more than we already are.”
A shuddered breath fell from her lips as her dark eyes speared straight through me. They glittered in the moonlight. She was so damn warm and felt sorightagainst me that I was convinced I could die happy right here.
“But if you tell me to leave, I’ll go. I swear to you,” I said. “And I won’t return to your bed until you invite me to it.”
Erina stared at me quietly, absorbing my words. And I waited for her verdict with bated breath, though my heart was pumping my blood furiously.
Her answer came when she turned into me. Hesitantly. Slowly, as if one small movement from me would sending her fleeing. She laid her head just below the crook of my arm, her face close to my side. Her hand came over my heart, and I know she felt the wildness of it, enveloped beneath the power of her palm.
As if she was a sorceress, she whispered, “Sleep.”
Relief made my eyes shut…only they never opened again. I felt our child between us, pressed against my hip, as my hand tangled in her hair, holding her close.
I did as she told me.
I slept that night.
