Chapter Forty-Six
The water ran over him in an endless stream. Jaxor had stood in the shower tube for far too long, as if it would cleanse his soul and not just his body. Because isn’t that what he wanted? To be clean? To be rid of the grime and muck that he’d willingly waded through for all these long rotations?
He slapped at the console and the stream ended. He went from the stall, dried off, but his movements were slow, his thoughts carefully suppressed.
When he walked from the washroom, steam billowing out in his wake, his heart gave a treacherous thump, almost painful and violent, when he saw Erin standing in the middle of the quarters.
And all at once, those carefully dampened thoughts and feelings returned to him in a rush, making him dizzy as he approached her—and then he stopped short, his hands outstretched, reaching for her, when he realized that maybe she didn’t want his touch anymore. That maybe she was repulsed by it.
There was no one else in the room.
“How…” he croaked, fearing for a moment that he was simply imagining her. He used to do that, when he’d been in theMevirax’sdungeons. Imagined things that weren’t there. He wondered if his isolation was bringing back old habits he’d long thought dead. “Are you…are you real?”
Something pulled in her expression, something tight and painful. When he inhaled, her scent was real enough and he dragged it into his lungs.
“Jaxor,” she whispered, her eyes shimmering.
This was definitely a dream. It made him ache, knowing that when he woke from it, he would hurt even more. And if it was a dream, then she would want his touch…and that was why he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight.
Her cheek pressed into his chest, just beneath his pectoral. He felt warm breath brush across his skin, felt clean, brushed, soft hair trail over his arm.
“I love you,rixella,” he rasped. She further stiffened in his arms. “I promised myself I would tell you the next time I saw you. Even if you were in my imaginings. I think this counts.”
She waited a moment as he stroked her hair.
“You don’t think I’m real? Right now?”
“I have dreamed things before. Seen people that were not there. Talked to them when they were not there. In the darkness,” he answered easily and he heard her whistled inhale against his skin. “It will pass, but for now, I will savor you.”
“Oh, Jaxor,” she whispered, pulling back, shaking her head. “I am real. I am here.”
He blinked, swallowing.
“I asked Vaxa’an if I could see you,” she continued. “He brought me here. There’s a guard just outside the door. You can check if you don’t believe me.”
“Rebax?” he asked softly.
There were fresh tears in her eyes and certainly, if this were in his mind, he would not be making her cry. Realization pierced his gut and he went still.
“I know perhaps only a fraction of what you experienced in the dungeon, Jaxor,” Erin said quietly and his breaths went short. “You were there a long time and I was there only a week. I cannot imagine…”
Her voice trailed off.
It shamed him that she knew. He had never planned on revisiting that time with her.
“You are real?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied.
He closed his eyes.
“Did you mean it?” she whispered. “That you love me?”
Jaxor swallowed. “Tev.”
Erin sighed and she was out of his arms in the next moment, putting space between them. Jaxor wanted to follow, but he clenched his fists at his sides, feeling the distance like it was a punishment.
He looked down at the sterile white floor of his living quarters, his jaw clenching. He told her he loved her and she pulled away.
