He trailed off but I knew what he would say.
Looking down at the table, at the map of Dakkar, I mentally traced the route I was planning to take to lead my horde through theHitri. Over two dozen of my horde would not be a part of that journey. A significant number of my horde. Losing seven warriors didn’t seem like much, given over forty would remain, but my horde would feel their loss once the Ghertun attacks started again. Losing four unmated females could potentially decrease that warrior count even further, compromising the safety of the horde.
“She would weaken us. She isalreadyweakening us since there are those that will not tolerate avekkiriqueen. They would rather return toDothikthan have her rule this horde beside you,” the first elder said. His jaw set, sure in his decision, as he continued, “We have decided that if you take thevekkirias yourMorakkari, then we can no longer serve Rath Tuviri either.”
“We?” I rasped, feeling his words like they were a punch in my gut. My eyes turned to my head warrior, whose lips pressed together in hesitation, before they went to Vodan.
My oldest friend swallowed as he met my gaze.
“Even you,pujerak?” I asked slowly, a knot forming in my chest. “You agree with the council? You would leave Rath Tuviri and return toDothikif I took her as myMorakkari?”
You would leave me, what we’ve built? I asked him silently. It went unspoken between us. Vodan hatedDothikas much as I did and he’d told me long ago that he would follow me always.
Vodan straightened, drawing in a deep breath, as he nodded. He didn’t say anything. It was only a brief incline of his head but it was a physical and emotional blow that hithard. It stunned me in place.
His answer was a betrayal, one that took me by surprise because I’d never suspected that he would ever betray me like this, with whispers among my council. I’d trusted Vodan more than I’d trusted anyone in my entire life. He was a brother to me, a loyal friend, an advisor. We’d been together since we were boys in the streets ofDothikand we’dalwayslooked out for one another.
He loved me like a brother and I loved him. But in one single moment, the trust that I’d placed in him chipped and fractured and I mourned the loss of it.
Silence weighed heavy in thevolikias they waited for me to speak.
I thought of Nelle. I thought of her love, written plainly in her eyes, and thethissiefeathers around her neck. I thought of when I’d first seen her in that darkened forest with a wooden bow clutched in her grip. I remembered thinking she seemed sad, but I didn’t realize at the time that I’d felt that same emotion in myself. That over time, she had erased that sadness in me, as I’d erased it in her.
But it was I who would give it back to her in full.
My mother’s words returned to me then, words she’d said to me inDothik.
“Do you think your council and yourpujerakwill stand behind you if you take avekkirias your queen?Nik, of course not. If they leave you, your horde will fall. Everything will be for nothing.”
I remembered thinking then that Vodan would stand with me, and with him by my side, the horde would always be strong. Because, unlike the other hordes, ours was a partnership.
Now, he was threatening to leave.
“Then I see that it has already been decided for me,” I said slowly, meeting the eyes of my council.
They had backed me into a corner. The horde could survive a couple dozen members leaving, but it would fall if my council and mypujerakleft, just as my mother said. They knew that and I knew that. Even aVorakkarhad limits on his power.
Dread and grief lodged in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“The horde always comes first,” I murmured, though bitterness tinged my words now. I met Vodan’s eyes, saw the relief in them. “Isn’t that right,pujerak?”
Whatever he saw made his gaze shutter, made shame creep into his expression. He knew this would change us. It already had.
“We are done this night,” I rasped, needing to leave thevoliki. “We will meet tomorrow to make plans for after the thaw.”
“Very good,Vorakkar,” one of the elders said, a small smile on his lips. A smile that made my belly churn and nausea rise.
I turned my back on them and left, already struggling to breathe when I was hit with the reality of what I had to do next.
Outside, the cold bit at my skin painfully. I was already halfway back to my ownvoliki, where Nelle waited for me, when I realized I’d forgotten my pelt.
“Seerin,” Vodan called from behind me. I’d heard his footsteps crunch after me immediately after I left the council. “Please. Let me explain.”
“There is no need,pujerak,” I said, my voice strangely detached. I was numbing myself, something I’d done often growing up, to keep the emotional pain at bay. It was something my mother taught me.
Bury them deep, my son. So you never know the pain of them.
“Seerin,” he said, “I tried to tell you. I tried to stop this from—”
