And when his female stood from where was perched at the front window ledge—how had henotseen her or sensed her?—his hand fell away from the door in surprise.
Perhaps this was a dream or a hallucination. Hewassleep deprived, but he hadn’t realized how much. He shook his head, trying to clear it.
“Are you real?” he rasped, staring at her, not wanting to get his hopes up. Because if she broke him a second time…he didn’t know if he could survive it.
Crystal’s brows drew together, her expression anguished. “Yes,” she said, approaching him.
She was dressed in the soft fur sweater, as she’d called it, that Beks had made, a long blue dress underneath it. Her golden hair flowed around her shoulders and he reached out to touch it, to feel the strands between his fingers, as if that alone could determine if he had truly gone mad.
Her hand closed around his and his breath hitched. He knew that touch. He knew her warmth.
“What…” he trailed off, trying to make sense of her. “What are you doing here?”
“I made a mistake,” she said softly. Deep, dark circles were underneath her eyes and it looked like she had lost weight in her face, her cheekbones more prominent. She looked as tired as he felt. “A terrible mistake.”
“How…”
Vrax, he felt like he was in shock. Over five spans of wanting her and he couldn’t fathom that she was actually standing in front of him, inOtala, in his dwelling.
“Lihvan brought me. Beks came too. They are staying down at the Ambassador dwelling tonight,” she told him softly.
“You are supposed to be in the Golden City,” he said.
She looked worried as she watched him.
“I never leftKroratax,” she whispered.
“Why?”
“Because…” she trailed off but then her expression became fierce. “BecauseKrorataxwas closer toyou. I could not leave.”
Cruxan froze, his breaths coming quick.
“I’m sorry, Cruxan,” she said, reaching out to clasp his hands in her own. “I’m so sorry about everything. I’ve been a fool. I don’t even know how to explain everything that’s been going on in my head the last week. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t even know if I deserveyou. But I’m asking—begging, really—for you to give me another chance.”
Cruxan blinked, still reeling, from scenting her, from seeing her in front of him.
“I swear,” she continued when he didn’t say anything, “that I will get down on my knees and beg you if that’s what it takes. There’s so much I want to say. So much I want to apologize for.”
“What—what are you saying?” he asked, shaking his head, trying to clear the haze.
“I’m saying that I love you,” she whispered, staring up into his eyes.
This was a dream. It had to be. And when he woke, he would bedevastated.
“I was afraid. I thought that by choosing you, by choosing to stay here on Luxiria, I was turning my back on my family. Again. Just like I did when I chose Leo over them. I couldn’t stomach that. It felt like a betrayal.” She looked at him. “But then I realized that I was comparing two situations that were nothing alike. I chose him out of fear, becauseIdidn’t like who I had become. But I choose you becauseIwant to. You arenothinglike him. You are kind, you make me feel safe and protected, you make me want to smile all the time, you make me feel…happy.And not just in the ‘this is a passing emotion’ kind of happy like you told me before, butreallyhappy, like it’s permanently stuck there in my chest.
“And I realized that if my mother—and my sister, for that matter—would ever want me to choose someone to share my life with, to be my life partner, it would be you,” she whispered. “My mother would besohappy if I chose to be with someone like you. That’s what she wanted for me. It’s what I want for myself.You. And I’m sorry it took me time to realize that.”
His eyes widened. Awareness sizzled down his spine when her hands ran up his arms, his shoulders, before pressing into his chest. He clasped her hands, feeling their softness.
“Thisisreal,” he murmured, his brow furrowing.
She smiled, but it was hesitant. “Yes. Cruxan, this is real.”
“Please,” he rasped, taking her face between his hands, gently as if he applied too much pressure, she would vanish, “let this be real. I do not know if I can survive it again.”
“Survive what?” she whispered.
