“I thought that maybe you had changed your mind,” she purred.
Cruxan didn’t stop. He didn’t have the energy or the will to deal with her.
“I have not,” was all he said, hoping that she would leave him be. The male that Tarax had once known was gone. Completely. He was just a shell now, his soul attached to another.
She followed. His dwelling came into view.
“We like being with one another,” she persisted. “I do not need anything beyond what we had.”
Cruxan blew out a sharp breath. He was so damn tired. So very tired. He had not slept sinceKroratax. Not a single moment. During the nights, he only had his thoughts and the memory of her and it drove him half-insane. So, he’d taken to working through the nights at the command center, to training himself bloody in the pits, anything to distract himself.
But that night, he knew he could not put off sleep any longer, though he knew he would dream of her.
Is this what my life span will be like? he couldn’t help but question solemnly. If that was the case, he knew why mates slowly wasted away without the other. He felt like he was drifting. He felt old, like the rest of his life span would just be more hard work, followed by more hard work, followed by more hard work without reprieve.
He didn’t want Tarax to believe she could enter his dwelling. If he believed that he could take another pleasure partner, after knowing hisluxiva, he had been sorely mistaken. Just the thought of being with another made him nauseous, made his skin crawl, and his Instinct rebel.
Tarax was a beautiful female. They had been pleasure partners for a little while and Cruxan knew that she was simply lonely.
“I cannot give you what you want,” Cruxan said softly. “Not anymore.”
“Why?” she demanded, her anger rising.
He caught another phantom scent of his female, stronger and more potent than it had been before. It made him ache, made everything in him ache with longing and despair.
“Because I found myluxiva,” he confessed to her, knowing he at least owed her an explanation.
Tarax’s lips parted in disbelief before she said softly, “And where is she?”
“Not here,” was all he said.
Not with me, was what he meant.
Tarax heard his unspoken meaning and pity flashed her gaze. Then she said, “I do not mind.”
His brows furrowed. She meant that she did not mind he had a mate, that she still wanted to be his pleasure partner.
“I do,” he said, his voice hard and unyielding. “There will never be another for me.”
“Is it that powerful?” she questioned softly, looking up at him, in disappointment, in sadness, in curiosity.
He inclined his head. “Tev.”
Tarax blew out a breath and wrapped her arms around her body. She looked up at him and said, “I will miss you.”
Cruxan felt like a monster because he could only think of his female right then. He didn’t want to dismiss Tarax’s feelings so readily since they had known one another for so long…but he didn’t feel the same. He couldn’t.
“You will find another,” he told her. “Another who can give you what you want. It is not me.”
She looked at him for a long time, perhaps hoping that he would change his mind. But he only looked back, hoping that she would understand.
Finally, she inclined her head, a gesture of respect for his position. Then, without another word, she turned and left, winding her way back down theOtylia.
Cruxan blew out a long breath, his eyes raising to gaze at the expanse of his land, a view he’d grown up with. Majestic yet melancholy peaks, dense fog winding around them, and mountains for as far as the eye could see. And Cruxan could see very, very far.
He turned and trudged his way up to his dwelling. When he unbolted the door and stepped through, he froze.
Her scent was too real. It wasn’t just his imaginings. It was all around him.
