Cruxan didn’t know what to reply to that. That span had been a blur but he knew that this night he would remember in perfect clarity.
“I am leaving forOtalanow,” Cruxan said quietly. “I cannot stay here. I will not sleep so I may as well start for theOtylia.”
“Cruxan—”
“Make sure she gets back to the Golden City safely,” he requested quietly. “Will you do that for me?”
Lihvan’s jaw clenched. “Tev,” he finally said. “I will.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“Cruxan.”
He looked at one of his oldest friends.
“Please have faith,” Lihvan pleaded. “The Fates must have a reason for this.”
“Do not speak to me about the Fates this night,” he said softly, heading for the door. He needed to leave this place, where everything reminded him of her. “I cannot bear the thought of them.”
Chapter Thirty-One
“Will you eat something?” Beks’ quiet voice came. “Please. You need to eat, Crystal. It’s been four days already and you’ve barely kept anything down. I’mworried.”
Crystal sighed and turned her gaze from the window to look at Beks.
“Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, I’ll try.”
Relief spread over her friend’s features and she set down the tray she was carrying, full of spiced meats and a hot goblet of tea.
Looking at the food made her feel a little nauseous. It was as if her body was punishing her, as if it was physically rebelling against her decision to leave Cruxan. As if her heart and her body knew what was right, yet her mind stubbornly clung to its decision.
She nibbled at some meat, forcing down whatever she could manage slowly. Crystal was all too aware of Beks’ watchful gaze as she did, as if the brunette was logging the amount of food she ate, trying to determine if it was enough.
Her eyes went back the living room window, her gaze going to the little house at the end of the terrace, tucked behind the towering trees ofKroratax. As if she simply watched the house long enough, it would make him reappear.
It was funny what heartbreak could make someone think.
But in her heart and her mind, she knew he wouldn’t come back. He respected her decision enough—he respectedherenough—not to.
But Crystal hadn’t expected that realization to hurt so much.
On the first day, afterwards, once she’d realized that Cruxan had already left forOtala, that she would likely never see him again…she’d been in denial. Deep, deep denial. Beks had had a knowing worry on her face, while Crystal went about her day, though it was interspersed with deep, ugly, sobbing crying sessions that came and went like fickle rain.
The second day was when she’d lost her appetite. She hadn’t drawn that day because the night before, she’d flipped back through her drawings of Cruxan and it had…wreckedher. Absolutely wrecked her.
By the third day, she could barely get out of bed. She just wanted to sleep all day, but she couldn’t even sleep. And when she did manage to get more than an hour at a time, she dreamed of him.
Her dreams of Cruxan were vivid and happy. So happy that when she woke, she was struckagainby the loss of him and it sent her spiraling. So, she avoided sleep if she could.
Her only reprieve was when she happened to dream of her mother. They were strange dreams, like lost memories of her that Crystal had forgotten over time. They made her feel sad whenever she woke, but not the debilitating grief she experienced after waking from a dream of Cruxan.
By the fourth day, that day, Crystal had all but shut down. She couldn’t stop replaying that night in her mind. She couldn’t stop herself from remembering the struck look on his face, the quiet, heartbreaking acceptance when he realized that she waschoosingto leave him.
Crystal didn’t think she had any more tears left to cry, but she hadn’t been able to stop. Because she knew that there was so much that she’d wanted to tell him, so much that she hadn’t told him.
Beks settled in the fire pit area next to her, sighing. After a brief pause, her voice came gently, “Lihvan thinks you should return to the Golden City.”
Crystal knew that already.
