“And what do you think?” she asked, her tone wooden.
Beks sighed. “I think that you’re still hoping he will come back here.”
He wasn’t coming back. She knew that too, but she couldn’t deny the pang of longing she felt at Beks’ words.
Crystal buried her face in her hands and took a deep, shuddering breath. She was moping. She was heartbroken.
But she’d done it to herself. She’dchosenthis.
“I don’t want to go back to the Golden City,” she started, raising her face from her hands to look at her friend, “becauseKrorataxis closer toOtala…and being farther away from him makes me...it makes me want—”
She broke off when tears welled up in her eyes, but she straightened her spine and reached for another piece of meat from the tray, determined to eat it. She needed to stop doing this.
“Oh honey,” Beks whispered, sighing.
“This is ridiculous, isn’t it?” she asked softly, looking back out the window. “I was the one who ended it but I can’t let it go. I can’t let him go. I can’t leave either, though I know I should.”
Her voice was hoarse from all the crying and she reached for the hot tea with a trembling hand, taking a long sip from the bitter liquid.
“Why do I feel like I made a huge mistake?” she whispered, looking at Beks. “I thought it was the right decision, but if it is, why does it feel this way? Why does it feel thiswrong?”
“I can’t pretend to know the weight of that decision, Crystal,” Beks said softly. “Even when I was on Earth, I never knew my father and I’d been estranged from my mother, for very, very good reasons, for years. Kate was my best friend and the only true family that I felt I had. And she was here. My family was already here.”
Crystal looked up at her, surprised.
Beks continued, “You have a sister that you love dearly, whose been there for you when you needed her, with children of her own on the way. I can’t imagine it’s an easy decision.”
Crystal sensed a ‘but’ in her tone. Beks pressed her lips together.
“Just say it,” Crystal whispered.
“But,” Beks said slowly, “your sister also has a family of her own. A husband she loves. And I’m not saying that you’re not a part of that family,of courseyou are. I just…don’tyoualso want those things? A husband? Children?”
More fucking tears.
She was so tired of crying, but Crystal’s shoulders shook with it and Beks reached out to try to comfort her as much as she could.
“You’ve been through so much, honey,” Beks whispered. “And I don’t think that your sister would want you to be this miserable either. She wouldn’t want you to give up your entire future because you’re trying to make up for a mistake you made a long time ago. If I had a sister, I wouldn’t want her to do that. I would want her to do what makes herhappy.”
It was her next words that absolutely killed her though.
“And from what I’ve seen…Cruxan makes you very happy,” the brunette said gently. Her lips quirked a little. “Maybe not right now, admittedly. But he did, didn’t he?”
Another quiet sob tore from her throat and she nodded as she cried more and more.
“I-I’m sorry I’m such a goddamn mess right now,” she said, once her breath evened out.
“I don’t think you’re a mess,” Beks soothed. “I just think you love him and you’re realizing just how much now that he’s gone.”
Beks pulled something from the cushion next to her. When Crystal looked down, it was her tablet, which she’d tucked away in a chest because she couldn’t bear to look at it.
“I found this. Hiding it won’t make it go away,” Beks said gently. “It won’t make him go away.”
Crystal took the tablet from her, looking down at the smooth surface. The last time she’d used it, it had been to draw Cruxan at the hot spring. She’d been so ridiculously happy then…until a single moment had changed everything. It had all happened so fast.
One moment she’d been kissing him.
And the next…she had been breaking their hearts.
