But even as he told himself that and took up the broom again, memories of Ruthann came unbidden into his mind. Her kisses, her kind words, the little gestures that let him know she cared for him.
They filled up the empty place inside. He’d let that all go. Given it all away.
It was for the best.
Even if he loved her.
Chapter Twenty-seven
“IF YOU STARE AT THATwall much longer, you’ll bore a hole into it.” Stuart’s voice came from somewhere behind Ruthann.
She turned, and there he was, lurking in her bedroom doorway. Ruthann stood and sighed. It was dreary outside, and the weather matched her mood. Just a few days ago, she’d felt as if she had so much to look forward to, and now . . . nothing. Not a single thing gave her joy. Talking with Norah, seeing the new hats that had come in from back East at Mrs. Claver’s, visiting with Mrs. Sample and her new baby that morning, the glow of the sunset last night—all of it had left her feeling exhausted and dull. It unnerved her family, she could tell. Even her own mother had avoided discussing the reason for her return.
“What do you want?” she asked Stuart as she crossed the room.
He leaned against the doorframe, his hat in his hand. “I’ve just returned from visiting your husband.”
“Oh?” She hated the way her curiosity was piqued at this revelation. Although Stuart had likely gone to thank Nate for finally ending their marriage, and that was not a conversation Ruthann cared to have recounted to her.
“Yes.” He tapped his hat against his thigh and looked down.
Ruthann tilted her head. This wasn’t the stance of a happy man. “Stuart? Why do you look so sheepish?”
He raised his eyes back up to her, and sheepish was absolutely the best choice of words to describe him. “I was wrong. You know it pains me to admit that. And so I went to Nate and told him so.”
Ruthann didn’t know what to say to that.
“Something is bothering him deeply, although I assume you already know that.”
She nodded. “He would never tell me, no matter how much I pressed. It happened while he was in the Army, but that’s all I know.”
Stuart tossed his hat into a chair and crossed his arms. “He fears he can’t keep you safe. He froze out there, the other night when he went up into the hills, when the time came for him to act. He thinks you deserve better.”
Ruthann closed her eyes, her heart breaking all over again for him. “It’s because of what happened in his past.”
She opened her eyes and saw the same empathy she felt for Nate reflected in Stuart’s eyes. It didn’t matter what Nate had said to her. She’d been right when she thought she shouldn’t believe it. He was doing what he thought was noble, what he thought was best for her—even if it tore them both apart.
