“Twenty-four to forty-eight hours,” the doctor said, and her printer whirred as she ordered the tests. She signed the forms and handed them over to me, a tight smile on her face. “We’ll see what they say and go from there. I’ll book you in for a follow-up appointment while we’re here.”
Because she knew I was pregnant, and there was no use wasting time. Truthfully, as I pulled up my calendar and confirmed I was free when she scheduled me in for my follow-up, I knew I was pregnant too. My eyes strayed to the little rectangular strip I’d peed on just a few minutes earlier. It wasn’t a faint positive result. Two solid blue lines blinked back at me, undeniable.
I was pregnant with Cal’s child.
Moving as if in a dream, I made my way to the phlebotomist in the clinic attached to the doctor’s office, looked away when he poked a needle in my arm, made polite small talk, and then made my way home. The one silver lining was that Cal was busy with a complex multi-investor, multi-city tour that had the potential to secure his biggest deal yet. It would rival the deal he’d lost back in March. Organizing the logistics had been a challenge, but I was proud of what we’d achieved together.
Now I was simply grateful for the few days I had to myself to process the reality of my situation.
My apartment smelled stale and closed-in, so the first thing I did was open some windows. Then I stared into the empty fridge like it held all the answers. My phone ringing shocked me out of my state of dissociation. Cal was calling.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hey. What’s wrong?”
He was so in tune with me that he could tell my mood with a single word. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, then injected some life into my tone as I said, “Nothing, why? How did the meeting go?”
“Really good,” he said, his voice making my shoulders ease.
I was pregnant with his baby. As he told me about the meeting and how he thought they were close to signing the deal, I let myself imagine a life as the mother of Cal’s child. I could watch him become a father. We could see a little baby grow into a toddler, and then a child, and then a teenager. We could grow old together. It was a future I’d always rejected, but now…
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m good,” I said. “Just tired. I just got home, and I think I might just go to bed.”
“Take tomorrow off,” Cal commanded. “I’ll let Willa know you won’tbe coming in.”
Even from another continent, he was caring for me. It made me want to cry. “Okay. I think all I need is a good night’s sleep.”
“Rest, Deena. That’s an order.” His voice was a low rumble, and it felt like a warm hug.
Would he still speak to me like that when he found out I was pregnant? As soon as the question popped into my mind, I knew the answer.
Yes. He would be thrilled. He would wrap me in his arms and look at me the way he’d looked at me when he found me wearing his shirt. Like I was the most beautiful, incredible creature he’d ever seen.
We ended the call, and I crossed the studio apartment to stand in front of my mirrored closet doors. I lifted my shirt and ran my hand over my lower belly. I’d thought my clothes were getting tighter because of all the dates Cal and I had gone on. All that eating out…
I sucked in a sharp breath. All that alcohol. I drank wine all the time with him. I stared at my midsection, filled with horror. Immediately, I was on my phone, falling down endless rabbit holes about alcohol in pregnancy, certain that I’d caused irreparable damage.
Then my phone buzzed.
CAL
Sleep well.
Once this is all done, we’ll go out to celebrate. Couldn’t have organized this deal without you.
I rolled onto my side and clutched my phone. I didn’t know how to feel. My fingers hovered over my screen, ready to tell Cal everything that had happened.
But I couldn’t tell him over text. I’d have to do it in person. Besides, I didn’t even know for sure yet.
And what if hedidn’ttake it well? What if he turned around and told me to get rid of the baby? What if Ithoughthe cared about me, but it turned out he didn’t care about methatmuch?
Forcing my mind to slow with a few deep breaths, I typed out a quick response.
DEENA
Can’t wait.
