“Basically, yeah.” He smiles sadly.
“People always want a piece of you, don’t they?”
“Some people,” he agrees. “And for a long time I let them take pieces they didn’t deserve.”
“But not anymore?” He’s givingmea piece of himself, and I want to protect it, tuck it into my heart, and keep it there forever.
“Not anymore. Now I only want to give pieces of myself to people who will take care of them,” he confides. “I used to associate romantic love with pain. I didn’t trust my own judgment. So for a long while, I was exclusively pleasure-focused.” His gaze lifts. “If it felt good, I did it.”
I wait for the jealousy to come, but it never does. None of those women were taken on thoughtful dates. He didn’t pick them up and bring them flowers. It was about sex and nothing else. “But that’s not what you want now?”
“I want this.” He brings my hand to his lips again. “I want intimacy withyou, Tally. I forgot how good it could feel to share this part of myself with someone.”
I can barely breathe. He’s so earnest, so honest. “I want to guard all your secrets, Phillip. I want to be safe for you, too.”
He cups my chin in his palm and leans across the table, brushing his lips over mine. “You’re my dream girl, Tally.” He leans back. “Every step we take forward needs to mean something.”
“You want me to feel special.”
“Exactly. You’re a gift. So when I break my two years of celibacy, it will be because I want this experience with you, and you want the same thing for the same reasons.” He kisses the inside of my wrist. “But we can have a whole lot of fun learning what makes each other tick while we get there.”
Warmth settles low in my stomach. What will it be like when we make it past first base? Will he be soft and sweet? Will we both be so pent-up that we’ll come together like a lightning strike?
He bites my knuckle, and I exhale on a needy whimper.
“Are you thinking about all the things that haven’t happened yet, kitten?”
“It’s hard not to when your mouth is on my skin.”
“Tell me what gets you hot.”
“You.”
He grins. “Have you ever had an orgasm in a public place?”
“Yes.”
Surprise flashes across his face and his eyes darken.
“Does that shock you?”
“Pleasantly, yes.” He leans in closer, dropping his voice to a whisper. “When and where?”
My foot brushes his shin, and I uncross and recross my legs. “Backstage after a performance.”
“Were there other people around?” he asks, eyes lighting up with expectation.
“Other people were performing.” We were the first onstage that night. It had been such an adrenaline rush, and hormones added to the high. “We ducked into a dark corner in the wings.”
“Who’s we?”
“Me and one of the guys from my troupe.”
Flip’s eyes light up with approval. “How’d he make you come?”
I do jazz hands. I hadn’t expected the orgasm, so it had been a real thrill for both of us.
“So the possibility of getting caught turns you on.”
