Flip
Just a pause.
Tally
Just until I’m through this.
My hands shake and I can barely swallow as I type my reply.
Flip
As long as you need.
Tally
Okay. I should study. Thank you for understanding.
Flip
I’m in this with you, whatever you need.
She hearts the message and then sends me another heart, and I send her one back before I set my phone on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. I could lose her, all because I couldn’t give her the honesty she deserves.
Tristan knocks on my door and lets himself into my room. “You all right, man?”
“Tally asked me for a pause.”
He’s silent a beat. “Is that college speak for breaking up?”
“No. It’s not a breakup.” She was clear about that. “It’s a pause. She’s overwhelmed, she almost missed her exam this morning. She’s under a lot of stress and I’m adding to it. I shouldhave fucking told her I’m in love with her before I left, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was saying it out of desperation, and things were already messy with the shit that happened at family dinner.”
“What happened at family dinner?” Tristan sits on the edge of the other bed, looking concerned.
I tell him about the sex in her childhood bedroom, minus any actual details.
“Holy fuck, dude. While Vander Zee was there?”
“No. There was a short window of time when we were alone.” I side-eye him. “Don’t get any ideas.”
“Too late for that.” He blows out a breath. “That was ballsy.”
“I know. And maybe under different circumstances it would have been fine, but what I should have done is been honest about my feelings. Instead I defaulted to sex, like a fucking idiot.”
“You’re learning that lesson a lot faster than me, so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
“Hindsight is an asshole.”
“Don’t I know it,” he sighs.
“I can’t lose her, Tristan.”
“You won’t. Write it all down, so you can give it to her when you’re off the pause. Give her space now, and when she can handle it, give her all your thoughts and feelings on paper. You can take care of her, you can buy her the world, but it’s not a replacement for telling her how you feel about her, so start now.”
CHAPTER 54
TALLY
Ihave three exams under my belt and one more to write tomorrow. The last two were much smoother than the first, with no alarm glitches, panic attacks, or falling asleep when I’m not supposed to. I’m also grateful that the Terror have won their last two away games, with Phillip scoring three goals. Their final away game is tomorrow night in Chicago. If they win it, they’ll have home-ice advantage for the start of the playoffs. My written exam will be over before the game, so all my focus can shift to my showcase and hoping my boyfriend will be in the city when it happens, rather than on a plane to somewhere else.
