“Me, too.” She thumbs over her shoulder to the backseat where the breakfast takeout sits untouched. “You should send Flip a message.”
“Crap. Thanks.”
I quickly message Phillip while Fee drives across campus. She drops me at the back of the building. “I’m going to park in the closest lot and drop a pin so you can find the car after your exam.” She passes me the second set of keys.
“What about you?”
“It’s a fifteen minute walk back to the apartment, and I’ll stop and say hi to Enid on the way. Good luck this morning.”
“Thank you.” I kiss her on the cheek and rush inside, making it with only a minute to spare.
I’m scattered, and I can’t get out from under the mountain of worry. I have to rush through the essay question at the end, and I don’t have time to go back and check my multiple choice. At least half a dozen are guesses. This course was already borderline for honor roll, and I can’t really afford for this mark to slip.
I have new messages from Phillip asking how my exam went. I desperately want to lie, but know I can’t. So I reply with honesty and tell him I think the exam went okay, then head to the studio, grateful all over that Fee left me the car. I’m in no better form today than I was yesterday, and the worry on Arya and Charles’s faces when I get the sequence wrong for the third time in a row spikes my already out of control anxiety. I don’t have time for a break down.
“I don’t want to come across as like, mom energy, but have you eaten today?” Arya asks.
“Of cour—” I stop, bite my lip. Fee made me a bagel, but I left it on the dash. And the breakfast Phillip sent is still in the back seat of my car.
“Let’s get something from the café, even a muffin and juice would be good, so your sugar isn’t crashing,” Charles suggests.
“I have food in my car. I’ll run out and get it.” The bag from Phillip is full of all my favorite things, including fresh squeezed juice. I’m in much better form and far less shaky after I eat. Practice goes better. It’s not perfect, but we still have two stage rehearsals left, and that’s a comfort.
By the time I get back to my apartment, the guys are already on the ice. This is the last away series of the regular season, and these games will impact where they start the playoffs. If they aren’t on the right side of the points, they could end up being out of town during my final showcase of the year.
I heat up my leftover East Side’s and settle in for another night of studying. I try to stay focused, but the broken sleep, anxiety, and the adrenaline crash hits hard and I’m struggling to stay awake.
I set my timer for twenty minutes and close my eyes. I crash hard, my timer going off for a full two minutes before I rouse. But at least I didn’t sleep through the game. Which the Terror lose.
The weight of everything comes crashing down. Exams, my final performance, my family, my relationship with Phillip.
I know better than to text him when I’m elevated, but my phone is already in my hand and my worries spill out of my fingertips.
CHAPTER 53
FLIP
We were tied until the last thirty seconds of the game. And then fucking Vegas stole the puck and game. It shouldn’t feel like the kiss of death in this series, but everything good seems to be slipping through my fingers. The loss means we have to work that much harder over the next three games. And I hate that I’m away while my girlfriend is writing exams.
I avoid answering interview questions, aware they’ll bring up my ex-wife and my relationship with Tally because they can’t fucking help themselves.
Vander Zee and Forrest-Hammer give us a post-game talk before we change and head back to the hotel. I just want to talk to my girlfriend, see how her first exam went and make sure we’re okay.
But when I finally have a chance to check my phone, the messages make my stomach sink. She almost missed her exam this morning.
Tally
Are you okay? Is the team okay? It’s only one game.
You can still be home for my showcase.
Not that this is about me.
I don’t know how to make this better. I’m so sorry about the fame.
I just miss you. It’s so hard to focus and I wish everything had gone differently after dinner at my parents’ house.
I don’t want to blow up my life in the eleventh hour.
