“I didn’t want it to be the thing I was dealing with at the beginning of my career,” I explain.
“Yeah, man. There’s enough pressure without that noise, too.”
Rainbow drops off our meals. She’s chipper as usual and probably doesn’t concern herself with the hockey gossip.
“This just explains…a lot.” Tristan accordions a slice of bacon into his mouth and chews thoughtfully.
He doesn’t need to elaborate. I already know whata lotencompasses. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Tris.”
“Look, I know you have it coming at you from all sides, and everyone will have feelings and opinions, but we were in different cities for a lot of years before we ended up here. I can’t even be upset that you told Dred because it’s fucking Dred. She’s a damn saint and I’m sure she compelled it out of you over Battleship. Dredging up the past sucks, and you have it done to you often. You’re forgiven, Flip. For whatever you think you’ve done wrong, let it go, okay? We’re good.”
He means it. “I appreciate it, Tris. More than you can know.” Now I just need my sister’s forgiveness. And my parents’, my teammates’, and my coach’s. It’s an upward climb.
Rix slides into the booth next to me like she was summoned. “I’m so glad you’re not dead.”
“Vander Zee might still take me out.” I wrap my arm around my sister. “I’m sorry.”
She tips her head up and regards me with empathy. “You must have had a good reason to keep such a big secret for so long.” I start to tell her the same story I told Tristan, but she puts her hand on my arm. “What caused it to fall apart?”
“She didn’t want me, she wanted the life I could afford her.”
Sadness washes over her. “I’m so sorry you had to carry that hurt with you for so long on your own. You can let it go now, though.”
All this fear has been weighing me down, holding me back.
I keep expecting everyone’s anger, but all I get is compassion.
Maybe I should extend a little of my own to myself.
CHAPTER 51
TALLY
I’m anxious. Bringing my pro-hockey boyfriend who plays for my dad’s team to family dinner was already going to be awkward, but post ex-wife reveal, it’s unlocked a new level of anxiety. Everything between me and Phillip feels off. I’m used to him being doting, but all our interactions seem steeped in uncertainty. We’re walking on eggshells. I’m hyper-alert and hypersensitive to everything he says and does. Is he being honest? Is he protecting me? How does he feel? How do I feel?
It’s only been a couple of days, and he leaves on an away series tomorrow. Spending the evening under my parents’ microscope isn’t what I want, but there’s no getting out of it, so here we are. I run my hands down my thighs and take a deep breath as we pull into the driveway of my childhood home. It’s not just the Phillip situation weighing on me. My family isn’t a whole anymore, but we’re all together in this space, and it makes me feel even more unbalanced.
“You okay?” Phillip shifts the car into park.
I consider lying, but then I’m doing what I’ve accused himof, and what’s the point in that? “No. I’m nervous. They’re going to grill you, and it probably won’t be an easy dinner.”
Phillip squeezes my hand. “I’ve been grilled plenty. I can handle it.”
“This is a little different than the media, though,” I hedge.
“It is, but I want to put your mom at ease. It’ll be okay.” He kisses the back of my hand. “Your mom is important to you, and you’re very important to her. I’ve already made a lot of bad impressions, so tonight I’d like to make some good ones,” he admits. “What are you most worried about?”
“I want my family to like you.” It’s not nearly that simple, but it’s all I can give him right now. I need them not to make this harder than it already is, and Fenna can be very blunt sometimes.
“Me too.” He leans over and kisses my cheek. “I think your sister is watching us through the window.”
I spot her peeking through the living room curtains. “We should go in.”
Phillip grabs the bottle of wine for dinner and the flowers for my mom before we exit the car.
I knock, but let myself in, calling out as we leave our shoes at the front door. Hubert, the rescue dog they recently adopted, barrels down the steps and bounces around. Mom follows, commanding him to sit. He immediately complies, looking up at her as she pets his head.
Phillip smiles, but it’s not the one he gives the media, it’s a little nervous and hopeful. “Hi, Mrs. Vander Zee, thank you so much for inviting me over. These are for you, and this is for dinner.” He holds out the flowers and the wine.
