“Because I’m the common denominator. I’m the unchanged variable. What if six months down the line the shine wears off and she decides I’m not the one for her?”
“What if six months from now it’s the opposite? What if you’re exactly right for each other? What if you’re hiding all of her favorite parts of you? Everyone makes mistakes, Phillip. What if you’re making the biggest one by not giving her the true version of you?”
“I should have come to see you sooner.”
She waves the comment away. “You were busy wooing your future wife.”
“I’m so in love with her.”
“Have you told her yet?”
I glance up from my cards. They’re shit.
“Phillip.” She puts two cards in her crib and gives me her full attention. “What the hell are you waiting for?”
“The right time,” I mumble.
“Is that the same reason you didn’t tell her about the ex-wife?”
I purse my lips and play a six.
“Fifteen for two.” She lays a nine. “Stop sabotaging your own future.”
“Twenty-four for two.” I match it with my own nine. “I need to make sure we’re stable before I put it out there.”
She plays a seven and takes two points. “Nut up, bro.”
I almost spray my scotch on the cards. It’s good stuff. “Who taught you that saying?”
“Nate and Essie were here last week. They brought his younger brother. The young Stiles. He hassecrets, that one.”
“You think?”
“Oh yeah. Dark cloud over that boy. Looks like he’s afraid of hugs, and also desperately needs one. But really, Phillip, put your big boy pants on and tell her how you feel. If she’s the one for you, she’ll be able to handle all the downs, just give her a chance. And yourself.”
Gurdy beats me three times, not for my lack of trying. I walk her to lunch and hang out with her friends for a bit before I make my way to the Pancake House to meet with Tristan. I know he won’t stay mad at me, but he’s married to my sister, so that means he’ll have to handle her emotions over the secret I’ve been keeping all these years.
He’s already there when I arrive, two beers on the table. He shifts in his seat as I take mine. It’s a practiced move so both our legs fit under the table.
“How’s Rix?” We’ve been messaging, but I haven’t seen her since last night. We don’t have practice until later, which is when I’ll have to face the rest of the team.
“Okay. She’ll be here in about forty-five minutes, but she had to go into the kitchen this morning to get out meals for a few of the guys.” He pushes a beer toward me. “How are you?”
“Wishing I made different choices at the moment.”
Rainbow, our usual server, stops by to take our order. Tristan gets the hungry man, and I order a regular breakfast because my appetite is trash.
He waits until we’re alone before he digs in. “That’s a big secret to hold onto.”
I’ve hurt him. Again. I complicated our relationship when he was traded to Toronto and moved in with me. We’re okay now, but we’ll never be the same. Not just because he’s married to my sister, but because we crossed some lines that can’t be erased. It altered our friendship, and I hope this new revelation doesn’t change it in another irreparable way.
“Telling people meant owning the mistake. She ruined me for a long time.”
He nods slowly. “Did she leave or did you?”
“She did.” I roll the bottle between my hands. I tell him what happened, how it happened, why she decided to leave, and what I gave up to get her out of my life.
“Shit, man.” Tristan drags a hand through his hair and shakes his head. “That’s…she’s a terrible person. I mean, I wasn’t ever really a huge fan in high school, and when you broke up again, I was kind of relieved, but I didn’t realize it had been this serious.”
