“You miss her so much,” she whispered. “She was your everything.”
“She was. In the diary she talks about how she hated leaving me and Noah. How she was sad and angry and there was nothing she could do to stay with us.”
Ryleigh told herself she wasn’t going to cry. “But now you have another piece of her, Alex. She left a part of herself behind.”
“Maybe, but she’s gone. I knew in my head, I did the mourning, but somehow I could never take that last step and let go. I didn’t want to let go.”
And I still don’t.
She braced herself for the words, but what he said instead was, “She wants me to find someone and fall in love.”
Ryleigh stared at him. “What?”
“It’s in the diary. She talks about how she wants me to give my heart to someone because I was exactly what she needed me to be all our lives.” He blinked several times. “She said I was so good to her at the end. She could see how much I had to give and she wants to make sure someone else knows what it’s like to be loved by me.”
She moved to the sofa and opened her arms. He drew her close and they clung to each other, both giving in to tears.
“I know you loved her,” she whispered, holding on tight. “More important, she knew, Alex. She knew you were going to stand by her forever.”
“I wanted to. I was so pissed she was dying. We were supposed to have forever. And then she was gone.”
After a few seconds he drew back. “I don’t remember much about those first few weeks,” he told her, his lashes wet with tears. “It’s a dark blur of pain and trying to take care of Noah.”
She nodded. “It was so hard.”
“You were there for us. You kept us together and took care of us. I was grateful. We became friends, good friends.”
She told herself not to react, but to just listen.
“You’re a big part of our lives, Ryleigh. I can’t imagine doing all this without you. But it’s more than that.” One corner of his mouth turned up. “It turns out I’m an idiot. I don’t want to sleep with you.”
The blow nearly took her down. Despite her intention not to react, she felt herself recoil, heard herself gasp. She tried to scramble away but her legs weren’t working.
“No!” He grabbed. “I’m saying it all wrong. No! I don’t want tojusthave sex. I want to make love, Ryleigh. I want to love you. I want to be in love with—”
He swore. “I am in love with you. That’s what I’m saying. All this time, I’ve been in love with you. Maybe I didn’t want to admit it because I didn’t feel like I should.” He touched the diary. “It’s like she gave me permission to tell you what’s in my heart.”
The wild swing of emotions was too much, she thought, trying to take in his words. Then what he’d said sank in and she found herself backing away again.
“Wait, what?”
He gave her a sheepish smile. “I love you. I have for a while. I love you and I want us to be together, if that’s what you want.” He held up a hand. “I know what you’re going to say. It’s all I’ve been thinking about. You have dreams.”
He loved her? Alex loved her?
“You want to move to San Diego,” he continued. “I get it. I don’t want to lose you, so if you want, we can go, too.”
“What are you talking about?”
His expression softened. “I know you got the job offer and I know you didn’t want to tell me.”
“How did you know? Jax wouldn’t have said anything.”
“You had a second interview. Of course they’re going to make you an offer.”
“They did. I haven’t answered them yet.” She stood up and moved so she was standing behind the chair, facing him. “Wait. Just wait. I don’t understand any of this. You’re in love with me.”
“Yes.”
