But Vin’s not quite done.
“And then, those last few months that Raff was with us, when you started getting really depressed, I wanted to be the one—but Raff was so excited about getting you back on your feet. All the Groupon stuff. I just…didn’t know how to fit myself back in. And then he left and…nothing workedwithouthim anymore either.”
“Wow.”
“I know.” He’s grimacing. “All pretty ugly.”
“That’s not ugly! That’s…human! And I’m so glad I know. And I’m—”
“Don’t say sorry. Really. I’m serious. How much you love Raff is a part of…it’s part of what makes youyou.So don’t apologize.”
My brain is circling this. Having Raff stay with us seemed like such a no-brainer at the time. He’s family. He was drowning and needed us. Of course we’d do that for him. But maybe once his arm was healed and he was back on his feet, maybe it would have been kinder to all of us to just launch him.
“If you could go back…” I prod.
“Oh, I definitely would decide not to care if he heard us having sex.”
I burst out laughing. “WOW. Okay! Not where I thought that was headed.”
He’s smiling, glancing sideways at me, one hand in his jeans pocket, and I just get catapulted back to our first or second date.
“Do you remember—” I start.
“Yes.”
I laugh. “You don’t even know what I was going to say!”
“Doesn’t matter,” he says gruffly. “I remember it.”
“Itdoesmatter! I was gonna say it was our first or second date. And we were walking in the park.”
“Second date, then.”
“Okay. Second date. And I laughed and went to put my hand on your shoulder but then you ducked into it so that my hand ended up on your cheek instead?”
He laughs, grimacing, the tips of his ears pink. “Yeah.”
“I thought that was so smooth.”
“Gah.” He’s pinching his face closed at himself.
“Why does that embarrass you?”
“Because…I didn’t mean to be smooth. I actually didn’t mean to do it at all. I just…I was so into you and when you reached out to me…I just…the idea of you putting your hands on my face…like you were gonna kiss me…” He clears his throat and some of his pinchy embarrassment seems to be ebbing away to make room for a different, weightier emotion.
My blood is pounding hollowly through my veins. I knew we were into each other when we first started dating. This isn’t news, but to hear him say it, with pink ears,I was so into you.It makes it feel oddly fresh. Like maybe those two hearts brushing shoulders while they strolled through the park actually haven’t been beaten to death by the specter of a breakup.
“We didn’t kiss then, though.”
“No.” He clears his throat. “We didn’t kiss for five dates.”
“Wow! You really got those stats memorized.”
“No one made me wait five dates for a kiss before you.”
“Made you wait.Oh, please. Becausethat’showthatworks.”
He’s smiling again. “All right, all right. I kept choking.”
