Lie, screamed her thoughts.Lie lie lie lie.
Talthari looked as though they didn’t want to speak, but forced themself to say, “In light of the new accusation, the rules of the Conclave demand the accused be restrained until the verdict is delivered.”
Allaster stood, and more than one set of dignitaries’ guards tensed. But the Librarian only pressed his wrists together and held them before himself. Two mages who had been standing at the entrance came forward to bind his hands, a move more damning than any of Vera’s arguments. Kasira and Thane had done their work well, and it made her heart ache to see.
She expected to see the same pain on Allaster’s face, but he didn’t so much as react, made no move to run. It was his silence that terrified Kasira. The way he seemed to have broken down to his core.
He didn’t look at her as the mages led him away.
The council followed Talthari into an adjacent room, where they would begin deliberations. The remaining crowd broke into smaller groups, some throwing furtive glances in Kasira’s direction, other voices already rising into heated debate.
Kasira fought to control her quickening breath, anxious claws tearing into her chest. May started toward her, and Kasira fled into the magic.
CHAPTER 41
KASIRA
KASIRA WENT TO THE NORTHERN ROOFTOP GARDEN, SEEKING THEfresh air to clear her head. It was easy to look out over Amorlin’s grounds and pretend nothing had changed. The beasts still milled about their paddocks, and the Seven Veils cut a glittering swath between emerald banks, each oblivious to the world turning over around them. Here, with the tranquility of the Library surrounding her, she could tell herself everything was okay.
“Lie,” she whispered and collapsed onto the bench. The sydara vine rustled a greeting at her back, and she wished it would swallow her whole. She deserved no less.
No part of her had thought this would be easy. Standing before that crowd to condemn Allaster had been one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do. The way he’d looked at her—it was so different than the last time he’d discovered her lie. Then, he’d been angry, but he hadexpectedit. This time, he’d truly thought she was on his side.
I am, she thought desperately, her heart tearing.
Not for the first time, she wondered what her life would have been like if she had truly been Eirlana Corynth. Would she have gone through with Kalthos’s plans, or would she have fallen in love with this place like Kasira had?
Would she have fallen in love with Allaster?
You are not capable of love, said Thane’s voice.You are made of lies. There is nothing real about you.
He was right. He had always been right about her.
She gave herself another moment in the sun. Relished the brush of it against her skin, the way it chased away the shadows. For so long she had been afraid of Belvar’s darkness. Though she had been freed from its walls, she had never truly escaped it. It followed her into her dreams and back into her waking moments, driving every choice she made. She had been so very close to breaking free of it. After this, she didn’t think she ever would be.
“The least you could do is face him.” May’s voice startled her to her feet. The First Mage stood at the edge of the alcove. Exhaustion had been carved into every part of her, but she held herself tall nonetheless. Only her eyes betrayed her pain.
“How could you, Kas?” May’s voice trembled.
“It’s not what you think,” she replied before she could question the need to defend herself. There was nothing she could say that would matter now.
“Then tell me what it is.”
Tell me one true thing about yourself.
Even now, her reflex was to lie. It came so easily to her. The truth was much harder, and it would damn them all.
I’m doing this for you, she wanted to say, but knew it would fix nothing. Let May hate her if she must, so long as she was alive to feel it.
May turned away. “They’ve locked him in a cell in the catacombs.” She didn’t wait for Kasira to respond before departing.
Visiting Allaster was not part of her plan. She remained on the rooftop for nearly an hour debating it, aware that at any second, the council could break from its deliberation to deliver the verdict, and she might not get another chance. She didn’t even deserve this one. But May was right: She owed him this, at least.
The mages who had arrested Allaster stood guard at the catacombs’ entrance, and one of them led her to his cell and unlocked it. They remained outside when she entered, the door closing in her wake. Hesat with his back against the wall, his long legs drawn up toward his chest. The links of the chains encircling his wrists disappeared into his lap, his copper hair curling down over his eyes. She didn’t move any closer.
“So this is how your story goes.” In the silence of the cell, his voice rebounded, so different from the silence of Belvar that had swallowed sound like the Isherwood. “You don’t understand what you’ve done. Being Librarian—you don’t want this, Kasira. It’s a curse.”
“So am I,” she replied.
