Idoknow, but I’m not about to share that in front of everyone.
When I’m quiet, Maeve turns to Tala. “What about you, Tala? What anger do you use to go berserk?”
Tala stiffens.
Maeve sighs. “Fine, why don’t I share first?”
She looks out over the deep, wide crater at our feet. “I’m so angry that I found the love of my life, only to have him taken away from me. That I’m just supposed to go on without him now. At first I wanted to quit. I wanted to leave Skallagrim and never come back. But I know that Idris would want me to stay and fight for what he believed in. What we both did. What I still do now.”
The wind howls.
“I lost someone recently,” Isaac says. The words come out strained. “Obviously, it’s different.” He nods at Maeve. “She wasn’t my wife or anything. Hell, she wasn’t even my girlfriend. But she seemed like a great girl. And her death… it feels like it’s my fucking fault. I just keep thinking if she hadn’t been meeting up with me, she’d still be alive. I should have been able to save her, but I—”
His voice breaks.
Isaac. I struggle to swallow past the lump in my throat. Even though I was just a kid, I felt the same way about Mom. He seems so torn up about Emilía’s death, even if I’m only seeing this side of him now. Tala probably knew the whole time.Thatmust be why she was so certain Isaac would never hurt anyone, least of all Emilía.
Am I wrong about Isaac after all?
He takes a moment to collect himself.
“I haven’t felt so helpless,” Isaac continues, “not since I went berserkfor the first time.” He blows out a long breath. “One day, my sis came home from her boyfriend’s with a black eye. She said it was an accident. Turns out it had been going on for years, and I had no fucking idea. None of us did. Next time he showed up at our house, I lost it. I went berserk and almost killed the asshole. My sis still hasn’t forgiven me. She blames me for pushing her boyfriend away. After that, I was shipped off to Skallagrim.”
I stare at Isaac. All this time, I’d assumed he was just like my dad, when in reality he’s the opposite. He protected his sister from her abuser, no matter what it cost him, and I have to respect that. IwishI could have protected my mom.
Looking at him now, I realize hedidn’tkill Emilía.
Not all berserkir are like my dad.
Maybe I don’t have to be either.
“Thank you for sharing, Isaac,” Maeve says. “The three of you lost your best friend—and your brother—a few years ago, right?”
“Yeah.” Kris speaks up, surprising me. “Adrian was always bullheaded. When we were kids, we were always roughhousing. He’s why I’m so tough. But he was so fucking loyal too, you know?”
I don’t think I’ve ever heard Kris say so much, but I can hear in their voice how painful it is for them to talk about their brother.
They continue, “When I came out as nonbinary, my family was super supportive. Especially Adrian. He was so protective, and when he found out some of the other boars were bullying me, he tried to stop it. He went berserk, and, well… we all know howthatended.” Kris wipes their eyes with their knuckles. “Fucking hunters.”
My throat constricts as I watch Kris. How is bullying any different from abuse? Yet we’re so often told that getting bullied is just part of being a kid, that we need to suck it up and deal with it. But it’s not okay. The kids who are bullies grow up to become adults, and that behavior continues—with their partner, their family, or their own children. Ican’t help but think of how Bea was bullied. Nils, too, by not only his classmates but his own dad.
“I miss Adrian every damn day,” Kris says. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him.”
My chest aches. Every one of us here has lost someone we love.
“I know, Kris. I know.” Tala reaches out for Kris, rubbing their back. “Your brother was my best friend. He was the only one I could tellanything. There’s no one else quite like him. Sorry, Isaac.” Tala laughs a little, but her voice is thick. “Losing him… it broke me. It was the first time I lost someone I loved. The only good thing was that it brought us together, Kris.”
Tala swallows. “Isaac, too, of course. After Adrian died, I just felt solost. Isaac was always there for me. We spent all our time together. I thought maybe we could be more than friends. So we started dating, but it wasn’t until after that I… I realized I like girls.”
Tala swipes a hand over her face. “By then my parents had already found out Isaac and I were dating. They weresoexcited. I’m pretty sure they’re planning our wedding already. I can’t bring myself to tell them that we broke up. I don’t want to disappoint them, so we’ve been faking it. I know my parents love me, but… they put so much pressure on me to become exactly like them. They never asked whatIwanted.”
A heavy weight settles over me. I know how painful, how isolating pretending can be. Feeling like you never quite fit. Tala has it much worse. She can’t choose who she loves. Nor should she have to. Tala should be free to follow her own heart.
Everyoneshould be able to.
Tala. Kris. Isaac. My gaze lingers on their faces, reallyseeingeach of them for the first time. I thought that what I went through, my pain, my grief, made me different from everyone else… but it’s actually something we all share. Our wounds may be different, but the pain is the same.
Our anger unites us.
