“That’s fair, but I want to give you something else to consider. Your parents are living life the way they are because they think their job is done with you. If you told them you missed them and wanted more time with them, I guarantee you they’d make time for you. Even if it was something as simple as coming to where you are every month for a week or two. Your parents see to your needs. If they know you need them, they will happily give themselves to you.”
She stood and went to refill Rodney’s and Haji’s glasses, giving me time to process what she’d said. It was sound advice, and more than anything, I didn’t want to seem overly needy by reaching out to my parents. I didn’t want to feel like I was inconveniencing them. But she was right; everything I needed over the years, my parents provided regardless of where they were in the world. Did I have the courage to tell them I needed them? That I wanted them?
Diane looked back at me with a warm smile and shot me a wink. I appreciated her urging me to do what was best for me. It had been a long decade of me taking care of everythingfor myself. Surrendering to Haji doing things for me and taking care of me had been a task within itself, but the reward made it worth it. Now, his mother wanted me to tell my parents their hyper-independent daughter missed them and wanted them to come around more. Logically, it sounded easy, and maybe it was. Maybe it was just my pride or my fear of rejection that made it difficult for me to make that call.
Still, I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Mama’s number. I didn’t know where in the hell they were, which was insane.
“Hey, baby,” she answered, and I heard the smile in her voice.
“Hey, Ma. You busy?”
“Never too busy for you. What’s up?”
“First, where y’all at?”
She laughed softly. “We’re in New Orleans for the rest of the month. Why?”
“Um . . . well . . . I miss you. I was wondering if you and Daddy could come see me? It-it doesn’t have to be this month. Just whenever you guys can find some time.”
“We have all the time in the world and will always make time for you. We travel so much because”—her tongue clicked—“I feel like this is a conversation to be had face-to-face, but when your father and I found out I was pregnant with Zina, we took account of our lives and decided we wanted to be better to her. And to you. Our parents were strict and overbearing. Even when we were old enough to drink and go to the army, they still tried to control our lives. When it came to raising our kids, they always wanted to have a say. Especially your daddy’s parents. They were the meddling type. Ethan and I decided when you and Zina turned twenty-two that we’d let you both do your own thing. We realized that was easier said than done, so we started traveling to give you space to make your own choices and live your own lives.But we’re always here for you, hon, and we’ll always come when you want us to.”
“I never asked for that,” I said with a crisp tone. “I get it, and it’s sweet, but I didn’t ask for space. I’ve needed you, and you weren’t here.”
“I’m sorry for that, baby. We thought by giving you space and independence we were doing the right thing.”
“Well I don’t want space,” I countered with a pout. “Your parents may have smothered you, but you had no hold on me at all. I need that hold. That guidance. That covering.”
“Then that’s what you’ll have.” She said it so simply it caught me off guard. “Hello?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. When would you like for us to come visit?”
“It doesn’t have to be now,” I repeated.
Mama laughed. “Girl, when do you want us to come?”
“Can you come next week?”
“Of course. We literally have all the time in the world for you, baby. We stayed away because we thought that was best, but now that I hear you say you need us, I promise you we’ll be there. However that looks in your life and in your heart, we’ll be there.”
Tears poured down my cheeks as I smiled. We continued to talk as my feet swung. Diane walked over, tilting my head by my cheek. She gave me a warm smile and kiss on the forehead before going back into the house, and I made the mental note to buy her something to thank her, because saying the words wouldn’t be nearly enough.
15
Haji
End of Week Three
Zoe was cute. Today was the first day she baked her regular and chocolate banana bread for Grounds. For whatever reason, she didn’t expect it to be popular, but it was a hit. All six loaves sold out within the breakfast rush, and people enjoyed it so much they were trying to preorder.
She looked so shocked, and it was the cutest thing in life.
“I just can’t believe it,” she almost whispered.
