Haji’s head lowered as he exhaled and placed the bottle back on the ground. This was silly. He’d been sitting at her door for hours. Stomach grumbling, head hurting, heart breaking . . . more and more.
The sound of sniffling and feet shuffling invaded his ears, but Haji made no effort to look up to see who it was. It wouldn’t be Zina. No one else mattered. Those feet, they stood right in front of him, bearing the same skin tone and birthmark as Zina. Unable to resist, Haji’s trembling fingers lowered to those feet. They were visibly swollen, and when she groaned, Haji immediately pulled his hands back.
As he looked up at her, Haji’s heart stopped beating. He’d seen enough pictures of Zoe in Zina’s apartment to recognize her. More than that, she looked so much like her sister. Haji’s eyes watered again as he continued to stare, unable to take his eyes off her.
And her puffy eyes.
And her red, swollen lips.
And her baggy clothes.
And her wild hair.
“Who are you?” she asked, voice low and scratchy as if she’d been crying and yelling for hours. Maybe she had been. Hell, he wanted to. But he hadn’t. Hadn’t shed one tear. Not because he didn’t want to, but because his masculinity wouldn’t allow him to.
“Haji. Young.”
Her shoulders relaxed as she swallowed and licked her lips. “She talks—” Her shoulders dropped as she bit down on her lip. “Talked about you all the time.”
Haji stood. He expected Zoe to step back and put space between them, but she didn’t. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Haji tilted his head as he looked down at her. Saying sorry for her loss didn’t really seem fitting. It wasn’t a good enough balm to soothe a loss like Zina.
“Why are you at her door?”
Zoe looked up at him, meeting his eyes. In her pictures, her eyes were always bright, wide, smiling. Now, they were empty. Red. Cold. Still just as captivating.
“I . . .” It made sense in his head, but Haji couldn’t pull himself to say the words. “Miss her already.”
“Yeah?” Zoe chuckled as she turned to the left of him to unlock Zina’s door. “At least you were prepared for this. One second, I think my sister is fine and living just as well as me, and the next, I get a call that she?—”
Zoe’s voice broke as she pushed the door open. Stepping inside, her head flung back and shook before she walked into her sister’s apartment. Closing the door behind them, Haji couldn’t help but notice the limp in Zoe’s walk. His eyes lowered to her feet again. They were red and purple, and Haji had to keep himself from asking her about it. Instead, he went to the hall closet and pulled out Zina’s pedicure tub.
In the bathroom, Haji grabbed Zina’s green alcohol, coconut oil, and Neosporin out of the cabinet while water filled the tub. Once it was half full, Haji added the alcohol and a few drops of the lavender oil that was on the sink, then carried it back to the living room. He found Zoe there with her elbows on her thighs as her legs shook. Her palms covered her face, head shaking from side to side slowly.
He walked in and set the pedicure tub in front of her feet. She jumped at the feel of his hand on her ankle, but Zoe relaxed against him immediately. As he pulled her shoe off, he asked, “What happened?”
Zoe sat back in the seat. Her eyes closed as she exhaled a heavy breath. “Broke my heel at the airport. Wobbled around before I took them off and went barefoot. Monica went to the store and got me these flip flops after . . .” Her eyes shut as she inhaled a deep breath.
Trying to keep her in this moment, Haji lifted her foot and put it into the warm water. After rolling her sweatpants up, he did the same to her other foot.
“How long had she been sick, Haji?”
He sighed as he cut the tub on. Her facial expression relaxed when the bubbling water began to massage her feet.
“She found out a year and a half ago, but I think she was sick a lot sooner. Just didn’t accept it and see about herself. Got really bad a little over two months ago.”
“That’s why she wanted me to go away?”
Haji nodded, even though her eyes were closed and she couldn’t see him. Eyes opening, Zoe sat up in her seat.
“Zina had gone into stage four. She was in the hospital for two weeks before she called you in Miami. Since you were already there for spring break, she came up with the idea that you travel for a year or two to make the most of your singleness and time out of college.” His hands went into the water, and Haji lifted her left foot out of the water. “Zina didn’t want you to see her like that.”
“That wasn’t her choice to make,” Zoe gritted out, trying to pull her foot out of his grip, but he held it tighter before massaging it. She sighed, flopping back into the seat.
“Zina had accepted her fate. She made it clear that she didn’t want you worrying about her. She wanted you to enjoy your life, even if hers was ending. That’s the only reason she didn’t tell you.”
Her mouth opened but closed as a tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly before covering her face, and apleasurable sigh escaped her lips at the feel of his hands on her foot.
That was the end of their conversation, and that was okay with Haji. Talking about Zina in past tense would only make this real. And that was the last thing he needed right now. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but Haji massaged her feet until his hands hurt. By the time he was done, she was snoring lightly as she slept.
