“I can send him a message.”Harm looked gruff and cold.“That should scare him.”
“Harm, please.Just ignore him.I think he wants attention, and if we give him none, then he’ll find someone else to try to get it from.”At least that was what he hoped.“I don’t want you getting involved with my mess.”
Harm shook his head and flipped to a fresh page.“It’s his mess.He is the one who made the mess, and we have to clean it up.People like him do not just give up on their fascinations.To him, his feelings, and what he thinks about your feelings, are real.This isn’t some fantasy—it’s reality to him.So who knows what he might actually do.”
“Okay.Let’s talk about something else.Something more fun.Do you play any games?I have a video game system at home.It’s the same one I got when I was seventeen, so it’s a little old, but it still works and I love some of the games.”
“Call of Duty?”Harm wrote with a grin.“We used to play that on the base for hours.Lots of people would think that we’d get enough shooting, but it helped us relax and it kept our reflexes and senses sharp.Others playedMario Cartand things like that because they wanted something that didn’t remind them of what went on outside the base.I used to play both.But I haven’t played any of those games since I got home.”He passed the page to Derek.
“I have both of them.Though I don’t playCall of Dutyall that often.My mother didn’t like the shooting games.So I bought it for myself, but I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would.”He shrugged.“I used to play D and D when I was in college.A group of us got together and played on the weekends.But I haven’t played all that often since then, and the group sort of fell apart after graduation.Did you have things like that?”
Harn nodded.“Lots of them.My life fell apart after my injury.I have Joe and Larry, but that was it.The Army was my family and then it was gone.”
“I get that.It was almost everything, and then within what seems like a few seconds, it gets taken away and you’re on your own.”Derek wondered what the hell that could feel like.It wasn’t fair as far as he was concerned.As a country, we owed more to the people who fought to give us the freedoms we all enjoyed without even thinking.“I’m sorry for all of that.”
“You didn’t do it.”
“No, I didn’t.But it doesn’t make it right.”Derek rested his hand on Harm’s.“There should be support and help for you to get your feet back under you.”
“There is, and I have been using parts of it.But they aren’t going to help me get a new job or figure out what I’m going to do long-term.That’s all up to me.”Harm seemed sad when he wrote those words, and Derek set down his fork and waited as patiently as he could.
“We all need to start over sometimes.And I guess it isn’t all bad.After my parents were gone, I grew a lot closer to my sister, and I learned that my big sister was a lot more interesting than I thought she was.You get to choose the kind of life you want.I’m sure you have skills, and there are people who will want them.You have a job already and a place of your own.So I’d say you’ve already started the rebuilding.”
Harm seemed confused and then began writing.“I’m not totally sure what benefits I have.”
“Oh, that’s pretty easy to find out.The Army War College is here, and they have placement services as well as provide Army placement and benefits counseling.So I bet if you make an appointment either on base or with the college, they can help you.Talk to someone and make sure you’re getting all the support you need.”
“Joe and Larry want me to go to college.”He pointed to the paper and then shrugged like he wasn’t sure.
“Why not?You can take the admission tests, and I can help you study if you want.You can decide from there.You’ll need transcripts sent from your high school as part of the application.But if that’s something you want to do, I can help with that too.”
“How?”Harm mouthed.
Derek grinned.“I’m a librarian.I have access to tons of information.We help students prepare for college all the time.It’s part of our community outreach.So think about the kinds of things you’re interested in, and then we can look at colleges, get the tests taken, and you can fill out applications.It’s all that easy.”
Harm sighed.“But how am I supposed to communicate with people?I can’t write everything down the way I am now.And signing is going to take time to learn.”
“But you will learn.”Derek grinned.“Just take things one step at a time.Find out what it is that you want to do, and from there, we can see about making it happen.”He finished the last of his veal milanese and sat back slightly, totally satisfied.This had been a fantastic dinner, and from the way Harm’s eyes seemed to gloss over, he had enjoyed his as well.
Their server cleared the dishes and asked if they wanted dessert or coffee.They each declined, and when the check arrived, Harm offered to lay his half, but Derek thanked him before paying for it and they got up to leave.They walked to the door and Harm pulled it open, holding it for him.Derek smiled and stepped out in the cold night, pulling his coat more tightly around him.Out of habit, he checked both ways in case William was anywhere around.
Harm placed his hand on his shoulder, also looking around as if assessing the situation.And Harm then walked him to his car in the library parking lot.Once Derek was seated, Harm pulled out his phone and sent him a text message.“Be safe.Text if you see him again or if you think he is following you.”He waved, and Derek responded with a smiley face before pulling out of the parking space, making his way home.For some reason he felt better about this situation with William than he had in quite a while.
Chapter 6
DEREK LOOKEDlost in thought as Harm came into the library.For the past few weeks, he had looked for him every time he came in.They had also gone to dinner a few times, and Harm looked forward to each one.With Derek, he wasn’t as self-conscious of his inability to speak, and Derek was always patient, teaching him some practical signs each time they met.
Harm also found himself taking out books on sign language and devouring them.The hardest part was that he didn’t have anyone to practice on regularly, so he tried out new things on Derek.“Hello, how are you?”he signed as he approached the desk.“Is the….”He paused and spelledclassbecause he didn’t know the sign.Derek smiled and demonstrated for him.“…class still on?”
Derek nodded but didn’t smile.“I don’t have very many people signed up.I was really hoping for a few more.”He sounded disappointed.“I sent a note to the board members about the class, and they were excited about it.But if I don’t have many participants….”
“You help who you help,” Harm signed as best he could.“This not an art class or a fun class.This an important life class for some of us.”Harm had been really looking forward to this.It was the first step in him being able to get his life on track.At work, there were people who couldn’t hear, and they used sign language.They were nice enough, and one of them included him in their group.Others were slow to warm up… but they seemed to be slow to warm up to anyone.Still, Harm tried his best every day.What he really wanted was a way to communicate with the rest of the world.
“I know.And you’re right.”
“I told people at work,” Harm told Derek.He didn’t know if any of them would come, but he at least told them that there was a class and a chance for community afterward.Belle, the one who seemed to take him under her wing a little, seemed interested.He explained that there was no cost.It was a program sponsored by the library.They seemed skeptical, but he even showed them the flyers.
“Well, it was all you can do.Did you just get off work?”Derek asked, and Harm nodded.“Good.Is it going well?”
