“And her brothers.”
“Brother shouldn’t be plural, North.” I cut my eyes in his direction just knowing he was about to say some slick shit.
“Nah it’s plural because we have Ssiah and that one you’re about to give me after her.”
“I don’t know where that came from, but another baby without a ring is crazy.” I shook my head.
“So you wanna marry a nigga?” I just knew he had that cocky smirk on his face. The one he always showcased right before I folded like a folding chair.
“You wanna marry me?” I flipped it back on him. Things with him and I went from just sex to the left lane fast. We had never discussed marriage, but it was a step right?
“I asked you first.”
“Maybe. Is that something you see yourself doing o?—”
“It’s a yes or no type of thing, Avery. It ain’t about what I see myself doing at this point. Shit, if we were to go off what I saw myself doing I wouldn’t be here. I never saw myself leaving the street. I never saw myself in any of the spaces I’m in right now, but I’m here.”
His little spill had me biting into my bottom lip before his yes or no answer trespassed from my lips. “Yes.”
“Good, so when I ask, don't be around here acting shocked or saying it’s too soon. You should already know nothing with us has ever had anything to do with what time had going on. This between you and me reaches far beyond that continuum.”
The last thing I thought I’d be doing at this point in my life was having another baby. Matter of fact I least expected to come across a man willing to not only be present, but also be all I needed. North checked that box over and over even though I gave him mess. Even though I had difficult moments I loved this man with every fiber in my body. He was my protector and my peace wrapped up in one being. He gave me this sanctuary that I’ve never looked for. He gave me something that I never knewI needed. He gave me an intimacy that I didn't know how to describe.
Mentally I was somewhere else. Somewhere way further than the space I should’ve been alert in. I had been at the spa all day courtesy of North. He paid for almost eight hundred dollars in services which meant I’d be here all day. I liked that and I was grateful, but I still needed to work. I had a few new ideas that I needed to work on the execution for.
“I understand your father’s apprehension about allowing me back into your life after all this time.” I heard her voice before I opened my eyes and looked at her.
How in the hell did she get back here? This was supposed to be a private deep tissue massage. “Um what are you doi?—”
“I came to you since it was obvious that you’d never come to me.”
“Come to you? I don’t know enough about you to come to you. Hell, the fact that you’ve been able to come to me not once but twice lets me know that you’ve always known where I was, but you chose to never come to me or Knoxx.”
“True and my failures as a mother kept me away for so long. The fact that I allowed my own self-loathing and inability to stand up for myself to cheat me out of a relationship with my children. You may not think I cared about you and your brother, but I do. I always have and always will.”
“Then why did you leave? Why did you choose to walk away from us like we were returns to a department store?”
“I had no choice.”
I laughed. “There is always a choice.”
“Not when you grew up with my father. That’s no excuse, but in order to protect you, your father, and your brother I had to leave. I had to be what he wanted so that he’d never seek either of you out. My marriage to your father wasn’t a respected union. It wasn’t recognized by my family and certainly not blessed. Hedidn’t want me with your father, but I loved your father. I loved him enough to give up everything I knew to come here and be with him.”
“What changed?”
“The day my father sent for me. He said it was either your life or I came home. Your father was pissed and even said he’d kill him before he allowed harm to come. I couldn’t let your father go to war over me and I couldn’t let my father near you all. I did the logical thing and in turn I lost you guys.”
I nodded my head attempting to swallow the lump that formed in my throat. “So, what changed? Why now?”
“My father lost his battle with lung cancer two months ago and I realized that he’d purposely made sure that he was all I had, and I was all he had. Selfish old bastard. Anyway I’m not here to guilt you or your brother into having a relationship with me. I just want you and your brother to know that I love you and I always will.” She finally stood from the chair that she occupied and went to leave.
“I love you too, Mom,” I murmured.
I know she heard me because she stopped walking and stood at the door for a second before she ultimately exited leaving me alone to my thoughts.
That was definitely a conversation that I never planned to have. I had put some thought into what Surah and I talked about and honestly she was right. I could’ve continued to lie to myself and say I wouldn’t be hurt if I never spoke to her when the truth is that talk was necessary. Though I’d never talked to my father about it, I needed that. It was something like closure, something I wished my brother got to experience. It was also something that I’d keep to myself because my closure wasn’t for everybody else. It was for me to heal from the things that I wasn’t aware affected me the way they did.
The rest of my spa day was freaking beautiful and very necessary. Too bad I couldn’t live in a spa and have people give me massages every so often. That would be dope.
