“Says the motherfucker who never gets up to turn the fucking light off.” I waited for her to rebuttal, but she never did. Instead after I turned the lights off she cuddled up next to me and before I knew it I was knocked the fuck out.
I didn’t wake until later the next morning, and even that wasn’t even by choice. I opened my eyes to Omyia standing over me telling me to get up or we’d be late to her appointment. I must’ve been tired as hell because the last thing I wanted was to be getting out of bed, but I had to. I don’t remember the last time I slept this long either and that much was crazy.
“Why did you let me sleep so late?”
“I didn’t let you do anything. I tried to get you up, but you kept telling me five more minutes. After three attempts I gave up and let you sleep.” Ommy shrugged, before carrying what looked like shoes across the room.
By now I was sitting up and trying to get my bearings together. Oddly enough I was still tired and wanted to tell her to push the appointment back. I couldn’t though, because this was the appointment where I’d be finding out my future…our future.
Luna
I knew I shouldn’t have come back here because everything was moving too fucking slow for my liking. Nobody wanted to make the appropriate moves so I could go home. I’ve been here for going on a month and every time I mentioned making any type of moves besides all that fucking planning it was shot down. I was seconds from saying fuck it and going about my own business, but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to believe that I hadn’t wasted my time in coming here.
Staring at my phone I studied the message that I wanted so badly to send but couldn’t build up the courage to. It was a simple three-word sentence void of the period that gave it seriousness. It read,I miss you.It should’ve been going to Knoxx, but the coward in me allowed the last time he and I spoke to be the last time. When I did talk to Ommy I always wanted to ask about him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that either. I did miss him even though most of the time when we were together I only gave him pieces of me.I was too busy punishing him for my past instead of giving him the chance to see me for me. Shit, did I even see me? Did I know whomewas? Me had been through so much shit that it was a possibility that I had lost me. Fuck apossibility, I did lose me. So, how was I supposed to give a whole me to him when I didn’t even have a whole me?
“Is it that hard?”
Hearing my sister’s voice alerted me to the fact that I was no longer alone in the library. “Is what hard?” I had toned down the attitude when it came to her, because none of my situation was her fault. She was young and I hoped to God she never made mistakes. She’d witness a side of the very parents she worshipped that she could never forget.
“Being alone only having yourself to depend on.”
“At first it’s executing. It feels like you’ve been locked out in polar vortex weather without a coat. After a while you learn to build a fire, then find shelter and so forth.” I turned around and looked Rue in the eyes.
She looked like she wanted to say more but shook it off. “You may dislike me, or maybe even hate me, but you’re still my sister and I love you.”
A small smile crept onto my face. I guess the fact that I had been to myself since I’ve been here gave that impression. “I don’t hate you, Rue. I don’t hate anybody. I’m just ready to get home to my life.”
She nodded. “What about Mom?”
“What about her?” The tone I gave Rue didn’t extend over to my mother. Her actions back then spoke louder than any words she could ever muster would.
“You haven’t said two words to her since you first arrived. You’re never in the same room to even do such. You avoid her presence while she longs to be in yours.”
I laughed. “Pops teach you to be that observant?”
Rue just looked at me. “I don’t speak for her when I say this, but she regrets it all, Luna. She lives in a constant state of regret because she knows that she’ll never be able to take it back. I’m not asking you to go bare your soul or ev?—”
“It’s too complicated, Rue. Too much time has passed.” I looked back out of the window in front of me.
“As long as there is air being inhaled and exhaled from your body there is no such thing as too much time passing. Life is short, especially the lives we lead. No one can take back what you endured at the hands of this family. You are stronger and wiser because of it, you are the lion's heart no matter how much you try to shut yourself away.”
I laughed because I remembered making her read that book. “And you my love are the heart of the cartel.” Before everything happened Rue and I were bookworms, so when we communicated it was through references to books.
She smiled widely. “Life is too short to carry grudges, Lunarius.”
“Fine, I'll think about it. How long have you been preparing for that pep talk?”
She laughed. “Long enough, but it doesn’t extend to our brother. Continue to give our brother your ass. I’ve never seen him squirm so much.” She giggled then seconds later I was alone in the library once again.
I glanced back down at my phone just as my sister’s words echoed in my head.Life is too short…
Instead of sending the three words that I had been contemplating on for days, I typed out a few more. Maybe it was time for me to find me and give it to him… That is if he would still have me.
Me: Let’s start over. My full name is Lunarius Gabon. I’m awkward as fuck and emotionally delayed. I’ve been through some tough shit which has left me in the hardest-fragile space of my being. I always know what I want to say to you but it neglects to come out. This entire time of me being here I’ve wanted to talk to you. To see you, but I guess inside of every brave soul is a little bit of cowardice. Maybe texting you was childish, but I couldn’t help it. I know you don’t do late calls and I needed to get this off my chest before the coward in me took over and I never pressed send. Also, I miss you.
The moment I pressed send I wanted to crawl under a fucking rock. I mean I literally wanted to abandon my skin and find cover because every crazy thought ran through my mind. Then before the worst scenario could settle into my mind he responded.
Knoxx: It ain’t never too late for you.
