My sister and I talked for a while longer, before I went about my day with a heavier mind than I started out with. Maybe she was right, I didn’t know how to be alone, but with all these people on the earth why be alone? The problem is I kept putting myself in muddy situations because I was attracted and attributed to fucking with the wrong females. I liked bitches who were unavailable, so I didn’t have to be bothered for too long, but they could keep a nigga company when needed.Damn, Ommy was right.
Instead of keeping my heavy ass mind I ended up at my father’s ranch. If it wasn’t Ommy then it was him who could talk some sense into the reckless thoughts of my mind. Sometimes I wondered what I’d do without either of them in my life. They spoke reason when I had none and made sense when I was void of that as well.
“What made you speed this way, son?” he asked.
I had walked into the horse stable and he was with his favorite girl. Sweets. He probably loved this horse just as much as he loved me and my sister. “How do you know I sped?”
“I just got off the phone with your sister. She said you’d just left her shop.”
I nodded with a smirk. “What’s with your girl, old man?” I was referring to the horse to change the budding subject. He was about to ask me what was wrong, so to avoid that I focused on the Arabian Steed that stole his heart the moment she trotted onto the ranch about three years ago.
He looked at me for a while before shaking his head. He allowed the subject change for now. “Day one hundred and something of the gestational period.”
I threw my head back in surprise. “I thought you said you’d never allow it to happen?”
“I did, but you can’t control the nature of a mare. Just like I can’t control any of the things you or your sister do. I can be present and always ready to help you out of your situations, but you have to live your own life and experience it your own ways.” He continued to brush Sweets' hair.
“Raevan is pregnant.”
He turned around and looked at me before shaking his head. “And what does that gotta do with you? I mean unless you couldn’t leave well enough alone and kept mes?—”
“It happened a few times and nothing was serious,” I started to explain.
He stood up straight and looked me over before looking out into the distance. I could tell he was disappointed, maybe not about the kid but about who it was with. He knew how things were with Rae, especially because after she left me I spent about a week on his couch as well as Omyia’s. “Apparently it was serious enough for you to make a baby with her, right? Kids are a big deal son, especially when it’s with a woman who has no problem coming in and out of your life.” I could tell in that moment he spoke from experience and that rendered me speechless, because Rae in a sense was like my mother. She was in and out of my life like a fucking revolving door.
“You think I need help or something? Like mama’s choice to leave us is affecting my ability to be alone.”
He chuckled. “You must’ve talked to your sister about it already.”
I nodded my head.
“Sounds like a woman’s point. But it’s the truth. What are you talking about getting some help? Are you going to go to therapy or something?” His expression soured.
“Yeah, I mean I hav?—”
“You shouldn’t have to talk to somebody to heal yourself. It takes for you to do the groundwork from within to get to the root of the problem. Deal with it yo’self, son. That way you’ll always know how to deal with your own problems.”
Chapter Twelve
Surah
If God wanted me to change my life, he didn’t have to let me touch death to do it. He could’ve just sent a sister a nudge, not a bullet. Now I couldn’t see life the same and all of the What If’s continued to fog up my mind. Mentally I was fucked up while physically my wounds were beginning to close. There were no more surgeries needed and I was grateful for that. I needed to fully heal. I was finally back working, but still not living out of my own place. Mari refused to let me go home, not that I ever fought him on it. I guess you could say this experience made me need him in a way that I never needed anyone. Namari’s presence and nearness made me breathe easier, shit his arms were what got me through the hardest moments of my life. For a while, every time I closed my eyes that day was stuck in my mind. The day that I almost lost my life haunted me like a wronged spirit.
Shaking my head, I focused back on the image in front of me. I had just finished a shoot and I was more than ready to go home, but I wanted to edit my images before I left. I was no longer up the street from my studio, now I was forty-fiveminutes to an hour away. Once I left the city for the day I never came back. I was gone and that was that, because not only was the drive horrid, but the man I was sleeping with would curse my ass out in a heartbeat. Namari didn’t care for the city at all after everything, shit he didn’t even pull up on the block with his guys anymore. He’s with me… All the time. There was nothing wrong with that, but I think I worried him a lot and I hated that. Even now, I knew that he was on his way to pick me up so that we could go wherever, which most nearly meant home. Home where he would treat me like I’m fragile physically, but straight up speak his mind. It was cute, but I needed him to go back there. I needed the rough sex without a second thought back, but I didn’t know how to ask for it. If you asked me I felt fine and I was healed, but to him I was still in recovery. Little did he realize I was ready to be nasty, matter of fact I was going to make it clear tonight that I needed him in that way as well.
My thoughts dispersed when I heard what sounded like the door opening behind me. Couldn’t be though, because unless a person had the code they weren’t getting in here and the only person with the code besides Ommy had just told me he was ten minutes away.
“You ready to go, wife?” His voice and presence behind me nearly scared me out of my skin.
“I thought you were ten minutes away.” I turned around to see Namari’s fine ass posted up in the doorway. I couldn’t help but steal a picture. He hated pictures.
“What did I tell you about that shit? And I told you that about fifteen minutes ago. Where is your brain, baby?” he asked, walking up on me.
“In the gutter.” I sat my camera on the table next to me before he was within arm’s reach.
“What do you mean, gutter?”He was confused and I had the biggest smirk on my face. “Stop fucking around and tell me what the hell you’re talking about.”
“I want to have sex. I need like a week of the nastiest sex known to man. I’m talking like infant scare type sex.” My expression was serious while I spoke because I needed him to know exactly where I was coming from. “And no don’t you say anything about me healing or my health in general I’m goo?—”
