“Some stuff doesn’t have to leave your brain, Namari. You don’t have to say everything that comes to mind.”
“Maybe not, but I already said it.” I shrugged and we walked the path to my brother’s front door. She knew how I was; I rarely held my tongue, and I wasn’t about to start now. She didn’t have any choice but to get with the process.
Luna
My mind kept going back to the moment that I sent a slug through Cole’s Skull. It was indeed true that my father’s beef had found its way to me. The fucked up thing is that I’m here and he’s there. They’re all there. My whole fucking family was back homeyet their problems had come to Chicago to be mine. This was some bullshit. Then even after that I couldn’t continue to avoid Knoxx, because he did not only watch me blow a man’s brains out, but he helped me clean up as well and get rid of the body. It’s like he sprang into action. After I pulled the trigger, I looked up and he was locking the door and making sure the blinds were closed. The way he moved had me hot as fuck and looking at him like that. I guess that’s how he ended up in my bed that night and many more after that. Nothing between us was serious, but I liked to be in his arms. I liked the way he touched me without even meaning to. I had to catch myself because I wasn’t good for him. Nothing about me or my life was good for him. Love had ruined me and left nothing but hatred for the four-letter word that people said when they felt the strong emotion of others. At most moments I wasn’t trying to, but I slipped up and let him get a glimpse. I slipped up and let him see the parts of myself that I kept hidden while also convincing myself that everything with us was just physical. It had to be because I didn’t have anything else to give outside of that. I was incapable of anything other than sex. That’s why I tried to avoid talking too much.
“Yo’ phone, shorty.” Knoxx’s voice from the other side of my bed interrupted the rampant thoughts thrusting through my mind.
I knew who it was, it had been the same person for the last week. My father wanted me to come home, so that he could so called keep me safe. I’d say I was doing a good job of that myself, but then again, I had to kill a man in my place of business. I had to pull the trigger for the first time since I killed my child’s father.Fuck.
“You do know calling me back-to-back won’t make me do what you want.” I answered the phone climbing my barely clothed frame from my bed. I stalked into my kitchen to turn onthe coffee pot. I couldn’t think unless I had at least a cup and a half of coffee in my system.
“That isn’t what I’m doing at all, sweetheart. I am checking on yours and my grandchild’s wellbeing.”
“We’re fine.” I lodged the phone between my shoulder and ear so that I could empty yesterday’s soiled coffee beans and filter for a fresh set. Once I did that, I grabbed the coffee pot and walked over to fill it to the three line. Today was definitely a three-cup type of day.
“Things are going to get thick. I would sleep better if you both were here, Lunarius. I am fully aware that you can care for yourself. You don’t have to.”
“At a point I did, remember?”
“Yes, and I have apologized profusely for that.”
“How bad is it?” I asked no longer thinking about myself at this point. My daughter’s safety was everything to me. I was willing to do whatever was necessary to ensure she was never affected by my actions any more than she already was.
“Rival family.”
“Over turf. Somebody came to my pla—” I caught myself and stopped speaking because I realized we were on the landline and knowing my father you never knew what agency was after him. They were always trying to catch the old man lacking by bugging his phone and shit of that nature. None of it ever worked because he was smart. The only time they ever got him was the agent they implanted undercover in our lives. He was deep undercover because not only was he trusted by the family, but he had a baby with me. That case would’ve stuck had I not killed him. My entire family would’ve gone up in flames had I not unalived my child’s father.
“Come home, Lunarius. It is safer. See you soon, my daughter.” He hung up seconds later leaving me to stare at the dripping coffee.
“You good?” Knoxx’s voice filled the space around me.
I nodded as I watched him pull his shirt over his head.
“I gotta head out and handle some shit. You sure?” Concern flushed his handsome features.
“And if I wasn’t what could you do for me?”
“The necessary.”
I just looked at him because he was dead ass serious, but I wasn’t too keen on bringing people into the things I had going on. As a matter of fact, I shouldn’t have even been in the mess I was in, but my last name and physical familial ties made me a target. I hated it, but no matter how estranged I was to them I would always have some sort of connection. I would always be affected by the decisions of others.
Chapter Eleven
Ommy
A Month Later
Ibit into my lip staring out the window at the slow traffic. Well at first my focus was on the traffic, but somewhere along the way my thoughts traveled elsewhere. They traveled to the child a few feet away from me. He was sitting at the table eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Then my thoughts jumped to the child currently residing inside of me. No matter how bad I wanted to find myself in a clinic taking the easy way out, I just couldn’t do it. Never mind North or what anybody in my life would’ve thought or said, it was about me and the fact that I did this. Well, I assisted in creating a life, one that no matter what I was responsible for and just like Ssiah this child was no different. Now it’s father that was a different thing. North was trying whether I liked it or not. I know technically he had done nothing wrong, but that didn’t take away from the fact that I was still plagued with the most vivid memories of that day in his office. Life was too short to hold grudges though and gettingthe call that my cousin died on the table twice was proof enough. Of course, she kept fighting and beat death at its own game, but still it happened. The fact that we almost lost her was enough of an indication that life was extremely short, so holding a grudge about the things I couldn’t control was a waste of my time.
“What are you staring at?”
His voice watered the thirst in my ears as though we were in the ninety-degree Chicago heat. Seconds later I felt his presence behind me before he actually touched me. Just that fast the overthinking I had been doing had dispersed and the only thing that mattered was this space around him and I.
“The clouds.”
He leaned down and pressed his lips to my exposed shoulder before he stood up straight. “Are you mad at me or something?”
