I looked at him for a while taking in everything he’d just said. He was right, but that didn’t negate the fact that I had still fucked up. I had absolutely no clue how I would even begin to fix this.Could I even fix this?
Ommy
My heart hurt and it shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have been sitting in the backroom of my shop giving myself pep talks about how I’d get through this day. The situation-ship between North and I was just what it was, right? We had amazing sex and spent way too much time together. That should’ve been it, but instead here I was trying to hold back the feelings that had surfaced. This was my fucking fault. I shouldn’t have showed up to his office to surprise him with lunch. Shit, it goes back way deeper than that.I should’ve never agreed to explore this with him, or maybe I should but I should’ve kept the boundaries. No spending a night or even meeting my baby. I shouldn’t have given him parts of me that you only give people you’re just dating. Apparently, I had been out of the game for too long because all this shit was new to me. Wait though, there was no justification on what I walked in on though. He had just left my bed hours before. How? That was none of my business, I think but the image was stuck in my head. The woman was bent over his desk while he plowed into her from the back. He was enjoying her after enjoying me all this morning.
What the fuck?
Get a grip Omyia, you’re not a weak bitch. Or are you?
They said self-talk was the only way to get over things, but that wasn’t even working. I had fouled up royally and needed to fix this.I needed to fix myself.
“Hey, Omyia. North is on the phone.” Surah’s voice sang from the front. My cousin had been extremely happy these days and I loved that for her.
Tell him to go fuck himself.“I’m not here.”
“She just left. Call her cell.” Surah’s voice came closer to me.
When I looked up from my phone she was standing near my desk with a frown.
“What’s wrong, Omyia?”
“Nothing. I just need some time to think.”
She peered at me for a while before she seemed to accept my answer. With a nod she left me to my lonely. I needed that.
I sat in silence for all of ten minutes, before my phone began to ring. I expected it to be North but seeing that it was my father worried me. He never called me when I was at work.
“Dad?” I answered quickly.
“Hey, baby girl I brought Ssiah to the hospital. He was burning up a few hours ago and something didn’t seem right,so I brought him to the emergency room. He’s got a really bad fever, we’re at Grady.”
The moment he said my baby was sick I was on my feet headed for my purse. When I had everything in my hands, I assured him I was on the way and headed out.
“Surah just close the store up at the end of yours and Niema’s shift. My dad took Ssiah into Grady. He’s in the ER.”
“Okay. Call me when you find out what’s up. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I heard her, but I couldn’t respond. I needed to get to my baby. I needed to be near him and feel his little body. Knowing that my baby was sick, and I wasn’t there was enough to break my entire soul. On the drive there I saw that Knoxx was calling. I immediately answered, assuming he was calling about Ssiah.
“Yeah Knoxx.”
“Where are you, shorty?” he asked. His tone was serious.
“On my way to Ssiah, what’s wrong?” His voice didn’t sound right.
“Argus is dead.”
The moment he said those words my brain began to fog. Something in me wasn’t processing that and I don’t remember anything else said afterward. All I remember was the moment I laid eyes on my baby. My father was seated in the chair near his bed, he stood for me to sit when I walked in. That wasn’t close enough for me, I needed to be near my son. He was not only sick but had lost his father. He didn’t even know that the last time he laid eyes on Argus was truly the last time he’d ever see him.
Once I was in the bed with my baby’s body nestled in mine, I let the tears fall silently. I could feel my father’s eyes on me the entire time. He didn’t say a word, he let me get this out. I didn’t know any of the details surrounding Argus’s death, but that one fact remained. He was dead. Though we were not together, and I wasn’t in love with him, I still loved him. He was my first love.My first heartbreak. My child’s father.How could he be gone? Especially when he was already gone.Somewhere between all the emotions, I fell asleep or so I thought.
I woke up hours later hooked up to a machine of my own.
“Yo, you scared the fuck out of me.” Knoxx was in my sight when I finally recognized where I was.
“How? Where is my ba?—”
“Pops has him. He had a severe ear infection. Nobody could’ve known because it was a test they had to run here.”
