“You in your office?”
“Is the sky blue?” I asked sarcastically.
She giggled. “It is, but the last few times I came by you were indisposed.”
“I’m up here. Slide on through.”
“Lucky for you I’m downstairs. I’ll be up in a few.” She hung up the phone a few seconds later leaving me to stare into the distance.
When she made it upstairs no talking needed to be done. She knew what she came here for, so it was what it was. Before I knew it she had nakedly assumed the very position meant to please niggas like me.
I had a hunger inside of me that shorty in front of me couldn’t serve. I had felt home, but this wasn’t it. I was in complete fucking denial because I kept trying myself and feeling unfulfilled right after. Omyia had fucked me up and no matter how much I tried to keep this shit casual with us I knew that we had crossed lines charted into unknown territory. I mean I was literally fucked because even now while I plowed into Santi from behind, I was flooded of thoughts of her. Omyia owned me, but I couldn’t admit this shit didn’t feel good. Santi showed up at the right time when a nigga needed to blow off some steam and sometimes, I needed that. Even though this was nine times outta ten her getting back at her nigga, I still needed that type of spiritic shit.
Just when I felt my shit coming and my strokes started to lose coordination I looked up and saw her face. Not Santi, but Omyia. She was standing in the doorway with a horrified expression on her face. We locked eyes for a moment right before she dropped the bags in her hands and stormed away.Fuck!
My brother mugged the fuck out of me while he sat across from me eating his breakfast. The last few days I haven't had much of an appetite. I was spending too much time in my head and avoiding all that right before my eyes.
“The fuck did we come out here to eat for if all you were gonna do is daydream?”
“Nigga, I’m not daydreaming. I’m thinking.”
He shook his head. “About what? How bad you fucked up.”
I nodded my head in irritation. I kept thinking about how she just left. “I fucked up.”
“Royally, but you can fix that shit.” He said that without any worry at all like he knew something that I didn’t.
“And how do you know that?”
“Because you can. You just gotta say the right thing and for once get out of your head.”
“What do you mean get out of my head?”
“You know exactly what I mean. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how you feel about Ommy, but for some reason you’re in denial.”
“It isn’t that. I just don’t wanna complicate what I have with her.”
“And how did that work out for you? Things seem mighty complicated if you ask me, big brother.”
“Complicated as fuck. I didn’t know she was coming through. As a matter of fact I didn’t even know Santi was coming through. All of that caught me completely by surprise.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but I bet you a G Santi went home and fixed shit with her nigga but look where your ass is. Got you walking around here with yo’ pockets inside out and a wrinkled up V-neck.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, because it had only been two days and I felt that shit. I felt the disconnect. The last time I felt anything this strong my mother left.
“You’re laughing, but I’m dead serious. You look bad. Like really bad. As a matter of fact nigga you look like you stank.”
“Aight, aight. I hear you, but it wasn’t that long ago that you looked like this laid up on my fucking couch.”
“You right, but I had to get my shit together and get over that disappearing act from your weak ass mammy. On some real shit,I had to realize that Surah isn’t our mama. She ain’t gonna up and leave me if I give her my heart. I’ll admit it I got mommy issues, now what the fuck is your excuse?” The expression housed on his face let me know that he was serious.
“Man, I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know what I want…”
“You say that, but I see it in your eyes you know what and who you want. If you ain’t ready to take that step, then just say that shit. Just don’t be out here ready to go ape when you see her out here happy with another nigga.”
“See, now why would you say that shit. I don’t want those fucking visuals.” I screwed up my face.
“Because you needed to hear that. You’re fucking up, but we both know another nigga won’t. Another nigga will know what the fuck he wants and voice that shit. What you think those niggas be standing at the gas station ready to pump gas for? Niggas be lurking and praying an egg head nigga like yourself gets it wrong.”
