He blinked. “A barrier.”
I explained what happened sometimes, ensuring he knew it was usually only when seriously wounded or trying to heal someone. “My magic is acting a little funny these days, and Ihaven’t been siphoning as I should, so I’m not sure what to expect.”
Rowan glanced at me again. “How long?”
I’d been knocking the edge of my power for a month now. The rest of it was building up inside me and felt like it was about to boil over like pasta water.
When I didn’t answer, Rowan let out a soft exhalation. “Evie. You haven’t released your power at all?”
“I’m not like you,” I said quietly. “I’m not a true shifter. My Chimera and Floromancy are an odd mix, and now that the tattoo no longer works, I can’t suppress my magic like I used to. I want you to see the land, but you can’t be close to me once I release the magic.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Rowan.”
“I’ll be fine,” he said again. “I’m not Caelan.”
“I never said you were.” I watched his fingers tighten on the steering wheel. “Is everything okay?”
“He called last night.”
Shit. “Do I need to leave?”
Rowan scoffed. “No. Absolutely not. He wasn’t even sure you were with me.”
“But he knows now?”
Rowan nodded. “He was already ninety percent sure.”
I didn’t ask all the questions I was dying to ask. Caelan had tried to call me dozens of times, but I refused to answer.
“He looks like shit, but he’s functional.”
I barked a laugh. Rowan grinned.
“He insisted on speaking to you, but I told him no. He’s obviously called you numerous times already.”
I nodded. “He has.”
“Thought so.” His hands flexed on the steering wheel. “You don’t have to speak to him ever again if you don’t want to.”
His words struck a chord deep within me. I’d been here for a month already and hadn’t once picked up the phone to speak to Caelan. What was there to say? He told me I was flawed, broken, unfit to serve as his Lady. Some of those awful things came from Lugh’s influence, I knew. But some of it hadn’t. My father visited once with Rowan’s permission and gave me a lesson in illusion magic, something I’d proven adept at. Dad said my talent was due to my Chimera magic. A Chimera was a creature made of pure magic. Since we could become anything we could set our minds to, why wouldn’t we be good at the same sort of magic Lugh used to ruin my life?
But what he told me next stuck with me, burrowing deep into my heart and mind, and I couldn’t let go of it. Not sure I ever would, either. Dad told me Lugh’s type of magic was more insidious than pure illusion and glamour. His power fed on our own insecurities, our own doubts and troubles. When I asked Dad what he meant, he smiled sadly, and it hit me then.
Caelan was struck so hard by Lugh’s power because he was consumed by his own doubts about my womb and suitability, even though he’d repeatedly lied to my face about how he’d be proud to have me stand beside him.
His doubts did not make me angry. Those were normal things everyone experienced, human or not. Lying about it and saying all those awful things to me, embarrassing me in public, and making me feel all that suppressed anger toward me and himself…that was not something I was sure I could forgive. For the first time since he started his pursuit, he made me feelless. Worthless.
“Evie?”
I blinked. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to forgive him,” Rowan said as if he’d read my mind. “I wasn’t there for all of it, but your father filled me in on some of the details.”
I blinked away the tears. “Would you?”
He let out a heavy exhale. “Are you sure you want the truth?”
