“You think?” he repeated, still doubting.
“Iknow,” I said, because it was the truth. From the start, I had always known this about Grace. She might not exhibit maternal love as I would have. But over and above her quirkiness, what had drawn me to her from the first was her concern for Chris. I had seen her leave the Spa mid-massage when word came that a puck had hit him in the face. “She’s just a private person. She has her own issues. We all have them.”
“Not you.”
“Yes, me. No one slides through life without bruises.” I searched for a positive way to say it. “My favorite app is CALM. Know why? Because I’m not. So when I see something there that resonates, I remember it. Like,Obstacles do not block the path, they are the path.It’s a Zen proverb—and no, don’t roll your eyes, I’m not into Zen anything, only this makes sense. There are always hurdles in life. Getting over them is how we move forward. It’s how we grow.”
“Sure.”
“Trust me on this.”
“Oh, I do,” he said with a sarcasm that was all wrong in a fifteen-year-old whose curls made him look like he was five. “It’s my mother I don’t trust. I mean, she sits there and stares, so I guess she’s controlling herself, but then sometimes she gets this wild look in her eyes. It’s scary. I mean, is she angry at me? Angry at the world? I don’t have any fucking idea,” he said with a wild look of his own. “But I have to be in court tomorrow. What if the judge sees that look? What if he says she isn’t fit or something, and he puts me in a juvenile facility—”
“He won’t—”
“Or foster care.” His eyes widened, like he had an idea. I don’t think it was premeditated, just a sudden brainstorm on the heels of the discussion. “Come with us, Maggie.”
“Uh, where?” I knew, of course, just needed time to formulate my answer.
“To court. You’re her best friend. You’re always sensible. If anyone can keep her steady, you can.”
He had no idea what he was asking. Even if I wanted to do it for hissake, I couldn’t handle the press, which might focus on my being the only near-kin they could find and make me their next story. I couldn’t risk that. It was everything I’d built a new life to avoid. I would lose it, literally and figuratively. And that was even before Shanahan had his say.
Smiling sadly, I reached for mugs. “I can’t, Chris.”
“Because you have to work?”
“No.” Work would have been a lame excuse. Appointments could be shifted. “It isn’t about work. I just can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because—because it’s inappropriate. Jay is the only one who should be with you.”
“Jay’s a lawyer. You’re our friend.”
“I know.”
“Isn’t this what friends do?”
“Yes—”
“If we ever,everneeded you, it’s now.”
“Chris—”
“I thought you liked me,” he said, sounding hurt.
“Ido—”
“Then how can younot come?”
***
Later, I would think,KO’d by a fifteen-year-old.At the time, all I could think was that once he personalized it, I had lost. Chris Emory needed love. He needed attention. He needed to know that you didn’t have to pay for loyalty—like they were paying Jay—when friends were involved. This was a pivotal time in his life. He needed to know that someone who absolutely didn’tneedto be therewouldbe there for him.
That said, I didn’t fully commit, just told him I would try. I topped his hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream, thinking that my mother would never have used canned whipped cream but for all her whipping from scratch, she had deserted me when I’d needed her most. I couldn’t desert Chris. He wasn’t my child; I had only known him four years, hadno more idea where he’d come from than he did. But what I did now seemed as pivotal to my life as hacking was to his.
Then Grace came to pick him up, Chris immediately said I was coming, and the look of hope on her face clinched it. She needed that kind of friend.
