“But I’m serious,” Savannah insisted. “Along with responsibility comes control. I like having that control.”
“Ah-ha! So you want power, too.”
“Not power. Control.”
That brought Megan from her silence. “What’s the difference?”
Savannah took a minute to pick the right words. “This is my own distinction, mind you, but as I see it, power has a negative connotation. It has to do with manipulating either people or events. Control, on the other hand, implies a greater say in what you do with your life. I can’t always determine the outcome of things at work; I don’t have that power. But I can determine the route I take to get to an outcome. I like being able to do that.”
“You’re very lucky,” Megan murmured.
Savannah turned to her. “Hmm?”
“To be in control that way. To be in command of yourself and your life. To be sotogether.”
Savannah thought of the times she’d sat in her wing-backed chair and shook from the inside out. “I’m not as together as you think. I have my moments.”
“Like when?” Susan asked, mildly challenging.
Savannah was more than willing to meet that challenge. She had nothing to hide. “When I’m very tense about something. When I’m terrified that what I’m doing is wrong or not enough.”
“You don’t do things wrong,” Megan said.
“Sure, I do. I make mistakes.”
“Like when?” Susan repeated, a little crossly this time.
“There have been times when I’ve undertried or overtried cases. There have been times when I’ve miscalculated the reaction of the judge or the jury to a particular tactic. I could cite you specific cases, but you’d be bored and I’d be embarrassed.”
Susan would have pushed for those cases if it hadn’t seemed childish. “The press is totally in the dark. They love you.”
Savannah shrugged. “We have people in the office who work at fostering that love.”
Susan had assumed that was the case, still the outcome was envious. “Do you think Paul will run for governor?”
“Eventually.”
“Will you run to fill his place?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t wantthatmuch responsibility.”
“I was under the impression,” Susan said, “that Paul puts in less hours than you and the others.”
“He does. But he’s the one who takes the flak when something goes wrong. The buck stops with him. I’m not sure I want that. And IknowI don’t want to have to campaign every two years. Even now, it’s tough. My job is dependent on Paul being reelected, so every two years I sweat a little.”
“The only other alternative is private practice.”
“That’s right,” Savannah said.
Megan perked up. “You’re thinking of making the move? But you love what you’re doing.”
“I’m not saying that I’m making the move. But it is an alternative if I ever reach the point of needing greater stability. I’d also have greater control over my time if I were in private practice. The sheer volume of cases that crosses my desk can be overwhelming. In private practice, I could control that.”
“Control,” Susan mused and said to Megan, “We should each have a little of that control.” To Savannah she said, “This is the first I’ve heard you talk about private practice. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that Jared Snow had something to do with it.”
