“I’ve dreamed too many times of making you lose control like that. Might be a little proud of myself for figuring it out that fast.”
I whimpered when he withdrew.
A knock had both of us freezing.
“Are we still going to the gym?” Nathan asked on the other side of the door.
Jude kissed my cheek. “Come with us?”
“Bold of you to think I can walk now.”
“You have three seconds until I come in there and wake you up if you’re not already getting dressed,” Nathan announced.
That certainly woke up my brain.
I’d slept with Nathan, but that was so spur of the moment and we hadn’t had a repeat yet. The lusty, impractical part of my brain whispered that if we invited Nathan in, everyone could get their workout right here, without ever leaving the apartment.
“I’ll be out in a second,” Jude said loudly, forestalling Nathan’s arrival. Then he whispered to me. “Decide fast.”
“I’ll come with. My heart already got its cardio this morning, but I suppose I could do with a bit more.”
A meow sounded in the hall. “The cats were crying to get out, but Madison doesn’t look like she’s in her room.” The door swung open and Nathan stopped short. Jude was blocking most of me from view, but he dragged a pillow to protect my modesty. “Well, I guess that explains that. Are you coming with us? What kind of smoothies do you like? I’m going to order in advance so we can pick them up on the way.”
How was he so casual about this? Poppy and Pepper hopped up on the bed, lying on top of me so I was trapped. Jude gave them some ear scratches.
“You’re not upset?”
Nathan looked as confused as if I’d questioned him in another language. “Why would I be upset?”
My cheeks heated like a volcano. “Because we—we haven’t…again.”
“Again?” Jude’s gaze whipped between the two of us. “When did it happen the first time?”
“On the rescue mission. That’s why we were wet, to cover up the scent.”
“Why didn’t either of you tell me?”
Nathan shrugged. “Figured you’d rather hear it from her than me.”
“I don’t know,” I replied, wishing the mattress would swallow me up. “It was kind of heat of the moment, and I didn’t want to upset anyone.”
Jude sat up. “I’m only going to be upset if this is a pack that’s keeping secrets. Who you sleep with and when is your business, but it would be nice to know how dynamics are shifting.”
I still felt bad, but I tried to take his words to heart. “I haven’t slept with Alve or Leo. I haven’t even kissed either of them, but I want to. I guess I’ve been kind of skirting around Nathan, not because I didn’t want to do it or anything. Honesty wasn’t exactly rewarded when I was with Tyler. I had to tell a lot of half truths and spun versions of things to manage his moods.”
Nathan growled in the doorway. “Every time I hear something new about that guy, it gives me another reason to launch him into the sun. Am I allowed into this room?”
I patted the sliver of empty bed next to me and Nathan sank onto it. My brain went absolutely wild lying between the two of them.
“Madison,” Nathan said firmly, “we’re big boys. We can manage our own moods, and if someone struggles with that, they can fucking learn. No one is going to blame you for behaving a certain way because of what you had to do to survive, but I think we all need you to promise that’s not the way you want things to be with us.”
“It’s not.” I pet Poppy and Pepper, staring at their content little faces so I didn’t have to look at Jude or Nathan.
My alpha laid gentle fingertips on my arm, his voice soft. “Hey, I swear it’s okay. We’re all learning, but I don’t want you tostay in survival mode for any longer than you have to. If it’s too much, just kick me in the dick.”
My laugh jostled the cats, both of them abandoning ship with offended glances that I’d upset their resting place. “I won’t be kicking, but I get what you’re saying.”
“Good. Now, if you’re coming with us, I need to know what type of smoothie to order you.”
