They could voice their concerns. I know Preacher could take Fawnie aside and tell her that he doesn’t like this, or give her a list of fatherly worries, but his gentle smile when he looks at her tells me that he won’t do that. He’ll trust her.
He’s going to put his faith in me.
I know it’s cliché to say that I’ll do anything not to let him down, but I mean it.
I’ve been busy these past couple of weeks. I’ve made the most of my time instead of trying to figure out how to waste it. I’ve been present instead of hiding. I met Lockwood for the first time a week and a half ago and booked regular sessions with him for every Friday afternoon at the clubhouse. I sat down with Tyrant and Raiden and told them both that I wanted to do more for the club than what I’d been doing. I’ve been to the clubhouse every single day this week, even if it was for just a few minutes. The first time, Atlas and Willa were there, telling some of the guys about the massive vintage clothing haul they went and picked for her store. Bags, boxes, trunks—their whole trailer and storage room were overflowing.
I knew it was something Fawnie would be so excited over. I felt weird asking if she could come and take a look at things, and Willa was so excited.
We went over to the antique store together. Watching Willa and Fawnie enthusiastically pick through bags together, open boxes, make discoveries, cry out in joy, or burst into laughter… that might have been the best day of my life.
Every single new one somehow exceeds the last, even though I would have said on that day, that nothing could top it.
Fawnie’s velvet blouse came from that vintage haul. She walked out of Willa’s with five full garbage bags, and Willa refused to charge her more than a hundred dollars. She didn’t want Fawnie to pay her anything, but Fawnie insisted, and Willa caved. She named a price and wouldn’t let Fawnie talk her into taking more.
So yes, even with all the changes I’ve made, I was nervous about tonight, but I didn’t anticipate it being horrible. Preacher and Rita aren’t the kind of people to try and control someone else. I thought there might be a little bit more cautious dissent and a few coded warnings, but everyone resumes eating. It’s not a tense atmosphere. Preacher and Rita loved me for who I was, as soon as I came here. They always have. They’re accepting me now, as Fawnie’s, all over again.
After the meal, dessert, and a few rounds of video games with the boys until it’s late, Fawnie hugs Rita goodbye. She gives her dad an extra-long hug.
“I love you guys,” she whispers, choking up. “Thank you for having us over for dinner. And for… everything else too.”
Rita gets teary, and Preacher grabs her hand. He offers me a handshake, which turns into one of those manly grasping of the upper arm things. He nods at me. His eyes are shiny too, and in those soft brown depths, I read everything. He was separated from Fawnie for years. This time is precious to him. He adoresher. Loves her. He’d do anything to protect her and ensure her happiness.
I return that look with one of my own. I hope it promises that I want nothing more. I’d do anything for this woman. Go wherever she asked. Work on myself so that I can be the kind of partner she needs, and the kind of man that I can be proud of.
He jerks his chin subtly, and that means more to me than a thousand words. It’s his way of telling me that he hopes we can grow together and he’ll be right here to help us with whatever we need.
Even Justice and Stone leave their games to race up and wave us off. I’m glowing. I fucking know that I am. Instead of being embarrassed about it, or letting my brain beat me up with all the ways I don’t deserve it, or the many other ways that it might come crashing down on me, I let it sink in and warm me even more than having Fawnie’s hand tucked in mine already does. It’s not easy to earn the respect of two teenage boys. I’m not taking that gift for granted.
I’m not going to take any of it for granted, ever.
Chapter 23
Shadow
“I’m so glad that went okay,” Fawnie sighs as soon as she starts the car and pulls out of her dad’s driveway. “I mean, not that I thought it wouldn’t go okay. I trust my dad with my heart. And Rita too. When I sat down with my dad the first time, the answer was never no. It was ‘I love you and I love Shadow. Take care of each other.’Basically.”
My heart flops and I get such an overwhelming wave of gratitude that I grasp the edge of my seat. I think again about being ruined by those sweet words and the even sweeter evening we just had. A few weeks ago, I would have shut down. Now, being ruined doesn’t seem like such a bad option. Hurting doesn’t mean you’ll hurt forever, and caring? Loving? Appreciating life with those around you while you’re in it? That’s living. Complicated. Wonderful. Painful. Beautiful.
Another best day of my life.
A few weeks ago, I would have also been worried about saying too much, but not now. I’m not fearless, but I know that I don’t have to be. Fawnie is a safe person. She’smyperson. “I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be sitting across from you after we did this.”
We talked about what we’d say ahead of time. She didn’t want to use the word dating. She thought it sounded so immature and silly. It said really nothing at all, when we already meant so much to each other.
And if that didn’t break my damn heart right in half and also heal it completely.
“Why?” She heads down the street, leaving Preacher’s house in the distance. “You were just nervous. You weren’t actually worried.”
“Yeah. I—” I leave it there, not knowing how to finish. “I’m really glad that no one is angry or hurt about this.”
Fawnie steers with her left hand and sets the other on my knee. “It’s crazy that ever since coming to Hart, my life has changed so much, but everyone else’s has too. This place is magic. My mom and dad don’t hate each other. Rita and my dad and the kids all found a new beginning here. I’m the luckiest, though.”
“Oh god, please don’t say it’s because you found me,” I joke.
“Oh. Oh god, no.” She leaves it at that until she gets to the first red light, then turns and expands on that with a shit-eating grin. “It’s because Willa has the best antique store I’ve ever been to. Those clothes? That was crazy! I got a whole new wardrobe. It was the best vintage I’ve ever seen in my life. And the club! Can’t forget that. I’ve never met nicer people than the guys at the club, and their women.” She bursts out laughing. “Jesus Christ, Finn. It’s you. It’s very obviously, one hundred percent, absolutely, without a doubt,you.” She starts driving when the light changes, but takes one look at my face and bursts out laughing all over again. “Babe. Seriously.”
“Babe?” I choke. “If we weren’t moving, I’d open this door and pitch myself out immediately. That’s a hard no. The hardest no. No babe or sweetheart or honey. We needbikerterms of endearment.”
