Ravish her. Or… or not.
I’d like to take my time with her and be equally sweet and intimate. Do it right. Give her everything she deserves. Be gentle. Take care of her. Sure, it might start out hungry, but I want there to be more.
I want there to be more of a lot of things.
The table’s pretty quiet to start. The boys have no idea that we’re here for any special reason. Preacher isn’t dumb. He’s been pretending this whole time that he has no clue about what Fawnie wants to say, but I know that’s not true. Rita is Rita. She’s a smart lady, and I have no doubt that even at the symphony, she didn’t miss a damn thing.
Justice only takes a steak and tucks into it immediately. They’re thick, and Preacher cooked most of them rare. He swirls every piece of meat he cuts into the juices that bleed out of it, sopping it up.
Preacher stabbed a steak and put it on my plate for me, and Fawnie gave me two baked potatoes and a heaping spoonful of carrots.
Yeah. She filled my plate for me. If that’s not a dead giveaway of us being a fucking old married couple already, I don’t know what is.
I’m nervous as hell, but I don’t hate it.
I don’t hate any of this.
I never did.
The one thing I always wanted was a family. But wanting something often hurts more for the fear of never fully having it. Or having it and it being snatched away. I’ve wasted so muchtime being afraid. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to keep hiding my heart away, hoping things will get better for doing it. They won’t. You can’t want love and then shove it away at every opportunity.
We’re five minutes into eating in virtual silence. I know this house. I know these people. This isn’t how it usually goes. Is there anyone in this house who doesn’t know what we’re going to say? I feel like the air is heavy with expectation.Fawnie sets down her fork. Under the table, her left hand finds my knee and gives it a gentle squeeze.
My heart leaps into my throat at her touch, but also because this is it. We’re doing this. Out loud. Even if everyone already suspects. I don’t know that they do for sure. With Fawnie sitting so close, looking beautiful as she always does, it’s pretty much only the nerves that keep me from popping a spontaneous boner.
Fawnie looks at Preacher, then at Rita, then back to her dad. “We’re… um- we- Shadow and I, we want you all to know that we’re dating. Or… more than friends. Trending to… a lot more than friends. Dating sounds silly.”
Stone’s head snaps up. Maybehedidn’t know what we were going to say or why I was here, or why I got here at the same time Fawnie did. He has a mountain of food that he’s plowing his way through. I have no idea how Rita and Preacher can afford to feed these two. They went at their steaks like starved wolves as soon as they were put on their plates.
“Gross,” Stone says, but he grins at both of us.
“Obviously.” Justice cuts another piece of steak, chews once, swallows, and goes for another. Obviously as in, obviouslywe’re a thing. This isn’t news to him. Maybe obviously as in we’re obviously gross together too.
“Obviously?” Fawnie asks him carefully.
“You have heart eyes for Shadow twenty-four seven,” he explains like this is so boring. “No offense or anything. And he looks at you all sick and dopey. I get it. I have a girlfriend. She’s awesome. We like hanging out with each other. We’re friends. It’s good not to be alone.”
Yes. Yes, it’s so good not to be alone. Not to hide behind pretending that I have no feelings at all. It’s good not to have to sit in my house, alone, letting my thoughts run wild. It’s good that the most exciting thing in my life is no longer staring down the wall when I’m on my side, trying to fall asleep, and the highlight of my day is no longer working out, or riding my bike to work late at night.
It’s music.
It’s laughter.
It’s Fawnie.
It’s hope.
Stone doesn’t agree. He scrunches his nose at his brother. “I still think it’s gross.” He looks around the table comically. “All of you. Nasty. Dad’s always kissing Mom and hugging her and she’s always laughing and being goofy when he does. You and Nora are gross too. It’s just one more person in the house to be disgusting.”
“Grow up, Stone,” Justice says, but he’s grinning.
“You’re the one who said you were going to turn a guy into an asshole cyclops the other week.”
“You loved it.”
“So much better than heart eyes and kisses and all that garbage.”
“Is it really garbage?” Fawnie ventures, glancing between her stepbrothers.
