“And you’re just being surly because you’re angry and in pain. You were before the fire, and after the fire, everyone just let you stew in it. You may think that’s good for you, but it’s not. It’s good to be human, to make connections, to have friends. That’s the only thing really worth it in life.”
“Naive.” The word explodes out of him cruelly, but he angles his face so I can’t see it properly and his emotions can’t betray him.
“You’re so blessed here. You have everything.” I have to try one more time to convince him that leaving is crazy. “A job, friends, brothers, chosen family. You’re just going to throw that away because you’re in a surly mood about my existence and a little bit of change?”
“It’s times like these that I’m so thankful I can only hear properly out of one ear.”
I try to reach out, and even though there’s no skin showing that my fingers could graze, Shadow jerks back like I’m holding a taser. I quickly raise both hands in the air, likehe’stheone getting ready to zap me. “You’re not a project. You’d only have to see me once a month. I promise.”
He snorts, but some of the tension drains out of him when he realizes that I’m not going to try to touch him.
I point at his bag. “If you’re going to wherever it is you’re running away to, how are you getting there?”
He shrugs, perfectly happy to be called on what’s likely not bullshit at all. “To the bus station.”
“You’re going to take thebus?”
“What? You think I shouldn’t mix with good people?”
“What the hell? That’s not even…” I trail off.
“I’ll be fine.”
“You won’t be fine! Just- please! Don’t do this. Not because of me.”
I’m still a step in front of him. I cross my arms and spread my feet wide like he did at the house, blocking his path. He tries to step around me and on instinct, my hands shoot out. He stops dead when my palms make contact with the solid wall of his chest. He’s rock hard under the hoodie. Not flat either. I can feel the uneven swell of his pecs, the rippling muscles of his shoulders, and all the latent power in his big body.
From this angle, I can see right under his hat. His jaw clenches and something flashes across his face that is terrifying, that I flinch.
“See. You can’t even bear to look at me,” he mutters.
“It’s not your face,” I say. “Who did this to you? Why do you hate yourself so much?” I quickly drop my hands. I don’t take my eyes off his face, though.
He tries to look away.
“I- I can’t do anything halfway,” I admit. “You’re right. I have this thing and it’s like my dad’s thing. I care. A lot. Of course I care about you, but it’s not pity and it’s not like I’m trying to save you.”
“You think I have a terrible existence,” he accuses flatly.
“I don’t,” I huff.
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be trying to change it.”
“I think that even the best things in the world have some room for improvement.”
“It wouldn’t be the best then.”
Damn him and his logic. I have no choice but to resort to silly humor. “It would if it was the best times infinity.”
He sighs the kind of sigh that says that he’s finished with this for tonight. “I have a face that only a mother could love and she doesn’t, but to be fair, she was never much of a mother and I don’t really care. I have a plan to cover all this shit up in tattoos anyway, now that there are good artists that specialize in wrecked skin. I don’t need pity and I sure as fuck don’t need friends. I’m glad I could help you and I absolve you of any emotion related to me becoming something of collateral damage. It’s truly all good.”
I can’t help it. My lip trembles, and when it starts going, my nose burns, and my eyes fill up with tears.
“No! Come on. Don’t go all sad, kicked puppy on me.” His words are unkind, but beneath them, there’s no small amount of panic. He makes a motion towards my shoulder and then the other. “I hereby knight you Madam Sainthood. You can leave now.”
“Here’s the thing.” I suck back the tears and refuse to break eye contact, even if it is intense. “My dad taught me a long time ago to trust my gut. Once a month,” I beg. “I’ll only bother you one time every single month.”
“God. If you think you owe me, fine. What I want is for you to respect my wishes. There. Leave.”
