“I think you have enough space. I don’t think you ever were really part of a brotherhood. You were just there. Existing. Living in the shadows. Ironic, don’t you think?” That’s too much. I took the crumbs my dad gave me and used them like a weapon.
Shadow doesn’t blink. “I took my name because that’s exactly how I wanted to function. It’s not ironic. It’s apt.”
It’s the same thing my dad says about his own name. Preacher. He wanted to own both the good and the bad parts of life, the painful and the beautiful. He couldn’t think of a better name.
He starts walking again, setting the same punishing pace. I keep up, but barely. “What are you looking for? What do you want me to say?”
“Your life changed because of me.”
“My life changed because of my own decisions, nothing more or less. You don’t have to worry. I was never going to amount to much, and I never was anything to look at, so no foul. It’s all good.”
“It’s clearly not. Can you stop for a minute?” I hate how whiny my voice sounds. I have to plead and I’m panting, so it comes out all wrong. “I don’t want you to leave. My dad will be devastated.”
“Should have thought of that before you acted like a brat.”
Fair, but I still can’t let this go. “I’ve thought about you every day and every night for five years.”
“Not my problem,” he states callously. “They have pills for that.”
“I dreamt about you.”
“They definitely have pills for that.”
“I didn’t want pills. I wantedyou.”
That brings him to a grinding stop, and not in a good way. He rounds on me the way a wild animal does when it’s finally tired of being chased and decides to bare its teeth and make onelast stand. “This isn’t some romance, sweetheart. It’s beauty and the beast.”
“Yeah?” I snark him right back. “Thank goodness that you’re only scarred then. You don’t fit the bill.”
His eyes scrape over me and a low heat that’s far more than shame blossoms in my stomach. “You are your father’s daughter.”
“I’m proud of that.”
“That’swhy I need to leave. Because you’ll make me a project and I just want to live in peace.”
I already know the answer, but I have to keep him talking. I have to keep himhere. “How would I make you a project?”
“You’re twenty-one. You wouldn’t understand.”
“That’s unfair. You can’t use age against me. You were my age when you ran into the fire to save me. Anyway, I’m not as sheltered as you think. After my parents divorced, I had to grow up fast, but even before that, I knew a lot more about what was going on than anyone gave me credit for.”
“Kids always do. People think they’re stupid, but they’re probably the smartest ones of all.”
“You’re contradicting yourself now.”
He sighs, his shoulders deflating. His defenses seem to be failing, or I’ve worn them down already, and he can’t keep the pain out of his voice. “I’m leaving because I asked you to leave it alone and you won’t. I don’t know how much more plain I can be about it.”
Ouch. “Would it really be so bad to just exist in the same space as me?”
“The fact that you even have to ask that when I had a bag packed already is disconcerting.”
“I wouldn’t call it disconcerting.”
“Proving my point then.”
“I don’t see how it does.” I’m well aware that I’m being a stubborn ass, so I’m not surprised when he points it out.
“You’re doing it right now.”
