“And don’t tell me it’s grown-up stuff! I’m grown, too!” She yelled, tears pouring from her eyes.
“Chill, Bry. Now’s not the right time, aight? We’ll talk. I promise we’ll talk,” said Duke with a pause, before grabbing her face. “You hear me? We will talk.”
She snatched away and stormed off.
How was I going to handle that? What was I supposed to do with her being upset with me? Blaming me? When it really, truly wasn’t my fault? I made the decision, yes but I didn’t do this. It wasn’t on me. It was on him. She couldn’t be mad at me. I—all I did was choose me. All I did was make the right decision. Not just for me, but for all of us. What would we become? What would this family become? With Duke and I staying together with me having a ton of pent-up resentment. Was I supposed to welcome Diary in with opened arms? Was she supposed to move in here? Were we supposed to be one big happy family? I couldn’t do that. Not without hate in my heart.
“Why are y’all getting a divorce, ma?” Honesty asked. “Why? What… what happened?”
I looked down at her, kissed her on the top of her head, and took a deep breath. “Grown up stuff, baby. We just… mommy and daddy… we grew a part and?—”
“How?” She cried.
I looked over at Duke, and he joined me on the couch. “Stuff like that just happens sometimes, baby girl,” he said, pulling Honesty into his arms. Sparkle climbed over and they rested on his chest.
I stood up and told him I’d check on Gabe. He nodded and I walked off.
The walk up the stairs was just as heavy as the living room was before. Felt like that quicksand feeling had been following me all day. When I got to the top of the stairs, the sound of things being tossed around stopped. What was I supposed to do? Was I to walk in, wrap my arms around him and apologize? What was I to do when he started to ask questions like Aubry? Would he get mad at me too?
I slowly walked down the hallway until I got to his room. His bedroom door was partially open. I slowly pushed it. “G,” I softly said, finding him pacing back and forth surrounded by a mountain of mess.
He knocked everything from his shelves onto the floor. There were things all over the room.
“G,” I repeated.
He looked over his shoulder at me, and my heart broke at the sight of tears running down his face. I took a deep breath, pulled my lips into my mouth, and fought back tears of my own. Well, I tried to at least. The fight was a fight that I lost.
Instead of saying anything to him, I approached him with opened arms and wrapped them around him. My baby boy melted into my arms and started to bawl. I ran my hand over his back and told him that everything would be okay. Did I know that for sure? Of course not. But I hoped everything would be. I prayed everything would be. Everything had to be okay. If divorce was going to break them, it wouldn’t be happening. If this was something the kids wouldn’t be able to bare, Godwouldn’t have put it in my heart to go through with it. He would have given me the strength required to go on with Diary in the picture. But He didn’t. He would have given me strength a long time ago. He would have kept me on the path of making this marriage work, if it was supposed to work. But He didn’t. And to me that meant the path I was heading down was the right one all along.
“Ma,” Gabe cried. “Did he hit you?”
I pulled away from the hug and cupped his face. “No, Gabriel, your father didn’t hit me. Okay? He did not hit me.”
“So,” he paused to catch his breath. “What’s going on then? Why—why is this happening?”
I pulled him back into my arms and rubbed the back of his head. Instead of responding to him, I just held him tighter. I hated that question. I didn’t have an answer for them today. I mean… yeah, I had one, but I couldn’t justtellthem. I couldn’t tell them their father hurt me more times than I could count. I couldn’t mention Diary. As bad as I wanted to, I couldn’t. I couldn’t handle this from a place of anger or resentment. I had to handle it from a place of compassion. Not for Duke, but for my children.
The rest of the day was spent consoling my children. And when bedtime came, sleep didn’t come easy. I laid there crying while Duke did the same. We didn’t say a word to one another. Just laid beside each other feeling pain from two completely different places.
18
DUKE
"Yeah, hello?”I said, answering the phone.
“This Duke?” asked the nigga on the other end.
I sat up with dipped brows. “Yeah. Fuck is this?”
He took a deep breath. “Aaron. I come in peace, my nigga.”
“Fuck you want?” I asked, staring across the backyard with a frown on my face.
I was in my feelings. Had been in my feelings since we told the kids about the divorce. Yeah... we did that. About a week ago. And every day since had been spent with me with this chip on my shoulder. I was pissed. Pissed about everything. So, the last person I wanted to hear from was Aaron’s bitch ass. Hearing from him was damn near like hearing from Justin.
“Like I said, bro. I come in peace. I need to chop it up with you about some shit. Mom’s in the hospital. Blood pressure spiked. Blood sugar ain’t lookin’ good. She's doing bad right now. I got Diary with me, but I can’t keep her?—”
“You gon have to keep her,” I cut in. “I can’t do shit about that right now.”
