Throughout the day, we spent a lot of time with the kids. I made dinner. They did their chores and their homework, too. I was stalling. Not because I didn’t want to tell them but because I was in no rush to break my children’s heart. It got to a point where I felt like Duke thought I’d wait another day, he was smiling, so comfortable. But an hour before bedtime, I called them into the living room. Didn’t have to tell him it was time. Didn’t have to mention anything to him. He knew what it was. Gave me a knowing look from across the room. One that read, ‘please’. One that I ignored. I told him if he didn’t want to do it together, that I’d be doing it myself. I wondered what choice he would make.
“This about the chores, ain’t it?” Honesty asked. “I promise I’ll do a better job with keeping up with?—“
“No, no, baby it’s not the chores. Even though I am tired of telling y’all to do them,” I said, standing in the middle of the room, while Duke stood a couple of feet away, not too far behind me.
I looked over my shoulder at him. He shook his head but stepped forward anyway. With a deep breath, I looked down at my children. They didn’t have their phones. Aubry sat withher head resting on her fist, elbow pressed into the arm of the couch. Gabe sat next to her with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing a frown. Sparkle was busy jumping around the sectional, from one end to the other. Honesty was Honesty, worried about being the perfect child, sitting with her hands in her lap.
“Sit still, Spark, baby,” Duke softly said.
“So—”
“Your mom and I have something to tell y’all,” Duke interrupted, taking the initiative.
We made eye contact and he nodded, letting me know we were in this together. Letting me know that I wouldn’t have to struggle through another battle alone.
“What?” Aubry asked, sitting straight up. “Y’all gotta tell us what?”
We were quiet for a second. It got to a point where I started to say something, but he did before I could.
“First off…” he cleared his throat. “Y’all know we love each other, right?”
“Aw man,” Gabe mumbled. “Y’all getting a divorce? I knew it. I knew it bro.”
Honesty sucked her teeth. “Shut up Gabe! Mom and dad are not breaking up!” She looked over at us with raised brows. “Right?”
Duke and I exchanged looks, and he blinked a few times, pivoting to turn away. He dragged his free hand down his face and I stepped forward. With my arms wrapped around my body, I shook my head.
“No baby,” I struggled to say. “Mommy and daddy… weare… we’re breaking up. Gabe was right. We’re getting a divorce and?—“
“No!” Honesty cried. “No! No!”
Aubry didn’t say anything; she just stared at Duke with this empty expression on her face. Gabe got up and stormed off. Sparkle just looked on with dipped brows, confused. She didn’t really know what was going on, but she did know something bad was happening.
I consoled Honesty. I wrapped my arms around her and rocked back and forth. Duke paced. After about three seconds or so, Aubry got up and walked over to him. She shook her head, and said, “I told you to fix it, dad! I told you to… I?—”
“I tried!” Duke yelled. “I tried, Bry! I can’t do shit about…” he paused and lowered his voice. “I can’t do anything about it.”
She tilted her head to the side and stared up at him with a perplexed look. “You always fix it. You… dad… things always get better.”
He always fixed it? She noticed… when things were bad… she noticed. Despite how hard we tried to pretend, she knew. I wondered if the other kids noticed too.
“Not this time baby. Not this?—”
“Why not!?” She yelled. “Why can’t you fix this!?”
Duke glanced over at me as Sparkle climbed into my lap, and I wondered if he’d drop the bigger bomb on her. I wondered if he’d tell her the truth. Not just about Diary but about everything. I wondered if he’d tell her he hurt me time and time again. I wondered if he’d tell her he mishandled my heart and out of it came a bastard child. I wondered…
But he didn’t. Instead, he wrapped his free arm around her and held her as best he could with one arm. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed. I lowered my head into the sides of my baby’s neck and cried myself, rocking back and forth. Upstairs I heard ruckus, like Gabe was throwing things around. I didn’t know how I would handle that. Didn’t know if it was even up to me to handle it. I looked up at Duke, and he was looking at mealready. He shook his head and looked up, likely thinking the same thing I was about Gabe.
“Why?” Asked Aubry, her voice muffled by Duke’s chest.
“Not right now, Bry,” Duke said. “Okay not right?—”
“If y’all love each other, why are y’all getting a divorce?” She pulled away and looked over at me with this look of disgust. “If you love him why are you leaving him?”
I drew back, caught off guard. I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect things to flip on me. I expected the tears. The anger. And the confusion but anger toward me? Never.
“Aubry—”
