DUKE
Something was up.
I couldn’t put a finger on it, but something was. As I stood on the other side of the venue, watching Mahogany work the room how she worked rooms, I wondered what. I combed through the day. This morning especially. I wondered if she’d checked the bank statements and had seen the DNA company on it. My hands grew clammy as I thought about the possibility of her knowing something without really knowing something.
I swallowed and ran my hand over the top of my head.
This morning, after I gave Aubry her birthday gift, Mahogany joked about checking the statements because I’d been spending a lot of bread. I told her it wasn’t that serious, and she said she was joking. But maybe she checked. Something had to explain how distant she’d been today. Yeah, she was distant. When I got home from work, she was straight. Hugged me and shit but after that… things changed. She was cringing and freezing up whenever I touched her. Was short with her responses and shit. Barely paid me any attention. That was nothing new. However, we’d moved past that. These last couple of days had been straight. But today reminded me of the way she was right beforeI stopped cheating. Felt like we were back at the beginning, whether than trying.
That’s what we were supposed to be doing. How the fuck we end up taking ten steps backward? In a couple hours? Yeah, she had to check them bank statements. The back of my neck heated up, and I ran my hand along it, nervous as fuck. Again, I swallowed, wondering how the hell I was going to get to the bottom of this. Wondering how I would ask her if she checked. Maybe I’d joke about it to see how she’d react.
“Damn nigga, you alright?” Asked Deante, approaching.
I looked away from Mahogany, at him. “Yeah bitch, I’m cool. What? Why you ask that?”
“You been standing over here for a minute, spaced out, watching shorty. Yeaaaah. You fucked up didn’t you? Niggas only act like this when they?—”
“Shut the fuck up, nigga. I ain’t fuck up shit. Mind yo fuckin’ business. I’m smooth,” I snapped.
I did fuck up.
Had I been thinking, I would have never used my main card to pay for the DNA test. I would have opened up a Chime account or some shit. Sighing, I shook my head and rested it against the wall I was leaning on.
“Yeah, aight nigga. Tell me anything,” Deante said before turning the cup he was handling up to his mouth. “How it feel having an eighteen-year-old though?” He asked, switching gears.
Good.
The last thing I wanted to talk about was Mahogany and what we were potentially going through. What I said didn't really matter. Muthafuckas already had assumptions based off her party being canceled.
“It’s crazy as hell,” I said, answering his question. “Crazy and beautiful at the same time. You know what we went through,raising her. Shit was shaky but my baby made it to eighteen, she good ass kid, with good grades, and she on her way to college. A nigga is proud for real.”
All day, before I got to the house at least, I thought about Aubry and what it took to get her to eighteen. How hard we had to work to make sure she was fed, clothed, and in school. We were literally babies raising a baby, but we did a damn good job. I couldn’t lie… Mahogany did a damn good job. I was there. helping every now and then, as much as I could. But it was Ne who made sure she was fed and knew enough back then. My baby was going to school and work, raising our daughter damn near by herself. So, when she said she wanted to have an open bar at the party, I didn’t question it. It was a celebration for all of us, for real.
We proved everybody wrong—our parents for sure. My momma swore up and down Aubry would follow in ‘Mahogany’s footsteps’ and get pregnant at a young age. She counted us out too. Barely babysat when we needed it. Just helped when we were really in need. Just like Mahogany’s folks. It was almost as if they were punishing us for having a baby at such a young age. Which was fucked up. But we got through.
I watched as Mahogany danced with Aubry and the girls in the middle of the dance floor with a smile on my face. Was the first time I saw Mahogany genuinely smile all night. I thought about joining them but decided to keep my ass where I was at instead. She’d probably end up stopping and I didn’t want to ruin the vibe.
“Hell yeah,” Deante said. “I’m proud of you bro. You raising some good ass kids. Meanwhile, I just caught DJ on TikTok wavin’ a fake gun, rappin’ to YB. Shit crazy.”
I looked over at him, shook my head and said, “Don’t judge ‘em bro. Kick it with him. Let ‘em know that shit ain’t cool.”
He sucked his teeth. “You know ‘Brina ain’t lettin’ me see him right now. Mad about bread. It’s fucked up. You and Ne man… y’all got it. If it’s some shit going on between y’all… fix it bro. Real talk. Y’all complete each other in a beautiful ass way.”
I swallowed and just stared at him for a second before extending my hand to him. We slapped palms and I said, “I appreciate it bro.”
Off top, I wondered how he’d feel when Diary came out. I wondered how all of them would feel. When people learn about what I’d done, all of that ‘we good together’ shit gon' flip. I’d for sure be looked at as a dumb ass because shit… let’s face it… that’s what I was.
We stood and talked for a couple of minutes before it was time to eat. Sitting at the dinner table next to Mahogany was cold. I could feel whatever she felt coming off of her. And I was fucked up behind it. Very fucked up. I watched as she forced conversations with her sisters who barely paid me attention. Sienna especially. Every now and then, I’d look up to her giving me a look. But then when I’d notice, she’d give me this tight-lipped smile she never had given me before. What the fuck was that about? I couldn’t tell you. Something told me that whatever was wrong with Ne, her sisters knew about too. But see… Ne wasn’t even that type. Maybe a nigga was just being paranoid. About it all.
I brushed a hand over the top of my head with a sigh before her mother called for grace. I extended my hand out to NeNe to grab and she hesitated. I clenched down on my jaw with raised brows. Finally, she put her hand in mine and it felt lifeless. Flaccid. I could sense just how much she didn’t want her hand there. Lightly, I gripped it and she didn’t return it. With a swallow, I lowered my head and as Eve prayed, I said my own prayer. At the end of the prayer, I brought Mahogany’s hand up to mine and kissed the back of it.
She cringed. Froze up a little. Pulled away faster than I would have liked. But I ignored it. Charged it to the game. Let it roll off of me like I let everything else roll off. Did it sting a little? Hell yeah. But I didn’t give a fuck. I was fighting… regardless of what was what.
A few hours later, we were pulling up at the crib. The kids were in the backseat knocked out. Aubry was out with her girls for a couple of hours. We let her have that. Her curfew on school nights was eight, but since it was her birthday, we pushed it to 10:30PM, giving her about two hours to hang.
Mahogany was quiet the entire ride in. Because she was quiet, I was too. Not only because I felt like that was the safest thing to do but because I really didn’t know what to say. Every time I tried to talk to her, her responses were flat and short… so fuck it. However, I planned on hollering at her when we got in the crib. Crazy how a couple of years ago, you couldn’t get me to sit and talk with her about our problems. These days I wanted to chop it up about every little thing. It was fear, for real. Fear of fucking up. Fear of losing her. My gut told me it was over for though. Which was fucked up considering I really didn’t know what was going on. Didn’t know how to approach her neither. Was I supposed to just come out and ask if she read the statements or… just leave it? I couldn’t do that. That shit would raise suspicion. So… I said fuck it, I wasn’t addressing it.
“They out,” I said, as I undid my seat belt.
