He nodded. “No problem. Take care of yourself, sir.”
Nodding, I struggled to get in the car. Once I did, Mahogany took a deep breath, looked over at me and said, “Put your seatbelt on.”
With gritted teeth, I grunted and reached over to put it on. She could’ve helped. Would have been nice to have her help me with something during this time. She hadn’t done anything but treat a nigga like shit during this whole ordeal.
I fucked up. Got into a car accident the other day when I was rushing to find her ass. Broke my arm and two of my ribs. I had a minor concussion, too. Could have died behind the wheel of my truck. Think she gave a fuck? Hell naw. You’d think something like that would have brought us closer—it didn’t. My calls still went unanswered. She’d only been down here twice. Once when it first happened and again only to bring the kids to see me. She wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t asked her to.
A nigga felt low.
Lower than I felt before. I needed my wife. I was fucked up out here. I could barely do anything for myself. I had to rely on hospital staff when I should have been relying on my wife. She wasn’t fucking with me though. And to me… that meant it was over for real. She didn’t want to help me at my lowest point. Couldn’t look past what happened just for a moment. Wouldn’t give me more than five minutes over the phone. She felt cold. Mahogany tended to feel chilly but never ice cold.
“How was work?” I asked, breaking the silence, as she pulled away from the hospital.
“Work,” she flatly replied.
I nodded. “You got any new clients?”
“No.”
“How are things going with that big project you were worried about that time?”
“Good.”
I laughed. “Oh… alright.”
She didn’t want to talk. It was obvious. I didn’t stop trying though. Not only because I wanted a conversation up out of her but because I missed the sound of her voice too. It didn’t matter that she was giving me one worded answers. Didn’t matter that she didn’t seem thrilled at all about grabbing me. I just wanted to hear her. She might’ve been icy cold but I was grateful to feel her at all. That time without her in my life was hell. I didn’t want to go through that again. I knew, based on where we stood today, that the chances of me going through that for the remainder of my life were greater than not. Pain hit me in the middle of my chest when I thought about it.
I swallowed and stared over at her. Her eyebrows were pinched into a frown. Her beautiful face flat and emotionless as she stared straight ahead, ignoring what I knew she could feel. My eyes on her. She stopped at a red light, scratched at her head and took a deep breath.
“You look beautiful today,” I complimented.
She did. She had braids and wore them up in a bun on top of her head. She had on a little bit of makeup, and her lips were glossy as hell. I wondered if she’d put some on before I came down. I wondered if she got her lips ready for me. Hope and delusion said she sat in the car, flipped her sun visor down, and spruced herself up before I came down. Rushed, even. Because she missed me. Because she missed my eyes on her and compliments. I hoped that was the case. My gut told me otherwise though. That pain in my chest, a constant reminder of reality.
“Thank you, Ducati,” she said before turning the music up louder.
She was on her R&B shit. Playing Summer Walker’s, Heart of a Woman, slowly bobbing her head to the beat. Lowering my eyes to her lips, I watched as she silently mouthed the words. The corners of her mouth turned up a little before she pulled off from the green light. I chewed on my bottom lip, listening to the lyrics, tempted to reach over and change it. She was delivering a message through the music and I didn’t like it. Shit didn’t help the situation we were in. Instead of changing it, I turned it down.
“I’m happy as hell to be out the ‘spital. Bed was uncomfortable as hell.”
“The blow up mattress in the basement won’t be much better,” she said, cutting her eyes at me.
“Mahogany—”
“What nigga? You not sleeping with me. I don’t know what the fuck you think this is,” she snapped. “As soon as you get better you gotta go.”
“What we gone tell the kids? Hm? Can’t keep telling them I’m at work?—”
She laughed, looked at me with this frown, turned away and shook her head. “We’re going to tell them the truth—that’s what we’re going to do. What are you even talking about?”
I clenched down on my teeth, brushed my hand over the top of my head, and looked over at her. “You serious?”
“Duh.Thisis serious, Duke. I really don’t understand why you’re acing clueless like you didn’t have a whole ass baby on me. The fuck?”
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “You pulling this right now? After I get out of the hospital? You couldn’t let shit ride? Like… wait?—”
“Wait for what? You just implied that you’ll be sleeping in my bed, which you won’t be. I can’t have you thinking shit smooth. We’re cool, but we ain’t ‘Mahogany’s delusional because I got into an accident’ cool, nigga.”
“You trippin on me for no reason. I—Ne, the shit happened years ago.”
