“No. Tell me… How am I? What am I like? Huh? Broken? Fucked up? Hurt? What Si? Speak your mind.”
She frowned. “What? Mahogany. You trippin. You off an edible and a few drinks and you’re… you just not yourself right now. You don’t need to be leaving with him. Why can’t we just go back to the bar? And have him buy you a drink? Why you trying to leave all of a sudden? Especially after you just…”
This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have in the middle of a crowded bar. I especially didn’t want to have it with him sitting a few feet away. I was fragile and at any given minute I could fall into a fit of tears. I didn’t want to do that here. I didn’t want to do that ever. I just… I really wanted to move on with my life. When I said I was tired, I really was. I was ready to get to the good part. To the part where I was finally happy, rejoicing as Mahogany Mills. One hundred percent. No mask, no hang ups, no trauma beating down my back. Just me. That felt lightyears away. But what I did have was the moment and in the moment I wanted to feel good. And if that meant spending time with Crescent then so be it.
I wanted to so bad. There was this pull in his direction that I couldn’t ignore. It was almost as if the universe was pulling me toward him, urging me to run away. So, what if it’d only be for a couple of hours? I wanted it. I wanted it so got damn bad.
I didn’t say anything. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away.
“Mahogany. You—I’m not trying to do this right now?—”
“Then stop,” I cut in. “I’m fine. Just… let me be, okay? Let me fucking be.”
I understood why she felt the way she felt. I understood completely. And if the roles were reversed I would have been the same way. I had been Sienna. Years ago. When she went missing…got a little too quiet, I was on her ass just as much asshe’d been on mine. It was funny, being on the receiving end, pushing her away.
She didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds before looking off. I looked over my shoulder, and she was looking at Hazel who was shaking her head, watching us. Looking away, we met eyes again. She sighed, stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.
“I want a conversation. I want… something, NeNe. Something other than the bullshit you’ve been giving me.”
“I can’t give you the conversation you want, Sienna. Respect the fact that I do not want to talk about it.”
“But you need to.”
“And I will,” Pausing, I shrugged. “In therapy.”
Some conversations were better had outside of the family, and this was one of them. Why would I want to sit up with my sister, talking about all of the times I’d been a dumb ass for a man who they thought was my knight in shining armor? While some women might’ve felt comfortable enough to, I didn’t. I didn’t think I’d ever get that comfortable with them. Showing my scars, putting it all out there… it just wasn’t for me.
Sienna pulled away from the hug, nodded, and said, “I understand. Listen… I love you, okay? Keep that location on and call me as soon as you get home.”
“Me too,” said Hazel from behind.
Turning, I nodded and pulled her in for a hug too. “I will.”
11
MAHOGANY
I was ridingshotgun with Crescent, head resting against the window. He was quiet. I was quiet. Where we were going I didn’t know. I just told him I didn’t want a drink and that I wanted to leave instead. He was with it. Told his boys he would get up with them later and led me out of the restaurant. They knew me as Mahogany of Couture Interiors. Keeping my reputation intact was important to me. But tonight, when all I needed was a safe escape, I didn’t give a damn. Tomorrow though… tomorrow I would care. A lot.
There was music playing.
At a low level.
Sounded like Maxwell. Yeah, it was Maxwell. He was crooning over the speakers, talking about this woman’s worth. With closed eyes, and a soft smile on my face, I hummed along with him. I felt good. Like I was soaring. Like I was floating. The edible and those drinks had fully caught up with me. However, I didn’t feel drunk. I felt light as a feather, like I didn’t have a care in the fucking world. Because in that moment, I truly didn’t. I wondered if it the liquor and the edible were all to blame. I wondered if I was so content because I was with him.
“Mo,” Crescent called out.
I opened my eyes and looked over at him from the corner of my eyes. “Hmm?”
“You smooth?”
I nodded. “I am.”
“Where you wanna go?”
“Wherever you wanna take me.” I shrugged.
I was tired of rules.
