I didn’t say anything. Looked over at Honesty and she was watching me, wearing a smile. Seemed like she was waiting for me to talk. Waiting for me to be ‘mommy’ to daddy. Waiting for me to be the version of myself that she was used to seeing when I interacted with him. But… I gave nothing. I wasn’t in the mood to pretend. Had only taken the iPad out of respect. Didn’t know how long I’d be able to put up this front, though.
“How you doin?” He had the balls to ask.
“Okay. Here Honesty. I have to use the bathroom.”
I handed her the iPad and walked away. Barely looked at her. Couldn’t because I knew if I did, she’d have that look on her face. Confusion. Worry. Sadness. And I couldn’t handle that right now.
As I jogged up the stairs, my heart rate picked up, and I felt a panic attack coming on. Once I got to the top of the stairs, tears poured from my eyes. At the sound of movement, I quickly swiped them away just moments away from Gabe walking out of his room. I shot him a quick smile and continued down the hallway to my bedroom where I closed and locked the door. Standing against it, I cried. Quiet tears, as I dragged my nails down the door with rage, peeling paint.
My God I hated him.
I didn’t think there would ever be a point in life where I said that and actually meant it. I hated Duke. Hated him for what he’d done to our family. Hated him for making me like this. Hated him for every fucking thing.
Pushing away from the door, I walked over to the bathroom where I stood at the mirror. Hands planted on the vanity, staring at my reflection. My eyes were so sad. Lifeless. Hadn’t seen a twinkle behind them since finding out about Diary. I was drained and it was evident in my?—
The ringing of my phone pulled me out of my thoughts.
I prayed like hell it wasn’t him. If it weren’t for him being the father of my children, I would have blocked him days ago. We had to be accessible to one another, and I couldn’t stand it. Wished there were something I could do about it.
When I pulled the phone from my pocket and saw that it was Tamia, I sighed a sigh of relief. Clearing my throat, I answered.
“Hello?”
“Hey NeNe. You busy?”
“Hey girl,” I said through a stretch. “Naw, wassup?”
She sighed.
When she sighed, I knew it was some bullshit. Bullshit I didn’t have the capacity to handle today, or any other day since finding out about Duke’s bastard baby. Lord forgive me, but that’s what she was. As cute, innocent and precious as she was.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Mr. Carter,” she paused. “He filed a complaint.”
“What?”
“Mr. Carter. He?—”
“No… I heard you,” I said, shaking my head. “I heard you, Tami. It’s—he complained?”
Of course he complained. The sad part about hearing that he filed a complaint was that I didn’t expect that out of a man like him. He did strike me as a man who went after what he wanted but never did I expect him to be petty. To pull a bitch ass nigga move like this one. That’s what it was. A bitch made move. I’d just transferred his case not even a week ago and he was complaining already? He’d only met with Shar twice since then.How could he have something to complain about already? It didn’t make any sense. He was lying. Pretending to have an issue just so that I would take him on as a direct client again. Shar was great—she’d never received a complaint before. Now all of a sudden when she’s working with him, she gets one? Bullshit.
“Yeah. About thirty minutes ago. He actually just left. Made a formal complaint before he left the building. Shar is messed up behind it too. With him being a high-profile client, she’s worried about losing her job and everything. She’s been a nervous wreck. I forwarded you the complaint. You should have it by now.”
I ran my hand over my forehead with a deep breath. Life didn’t stop just because I was going through a rough time. Wasn’t it fucked up? How I had to be a mother and a boss in the middle of what I considered a crisis? It would have been nice to get a break. To escape from reality. Truly. Not the way I did when I was at that hotel room, with people tracking me down. A true break. A real getaway. I just… I didn’t want to be Mahogany with all of the issues for a few days.
“Okay, Tami, thanks for letting me know. I’m going to take a look at it and give Shar a call right after.”
“Please do. The poor girl is a nervous wreck,” Tamia said before we hung up.
Instead of immediately checking my email, I stood there a minute, with my hands flat on the vanity and my head down. I sighed and shook my head. Mr. Crescent fucking Carter. He knew I couldn’t handle a complaint. He knew how important Couture and the contract we shared was to me. Why would he complain? Just to get my attention? I didn’t want to deal with him. Crazy right? Initially I ran from him because I was so hellbent on saving my marriage. Today, I didn’t have a marriage worth saving. I should have been ecstatic. Should have run into his arms with ease. Should have been eager to get him between my legs again. But I wasn’t.
I was in emotional turmoil.
I just hid it well. You think I wanted to fold clothes? You think I wanted to cook, clean, mother? I wanted to be in bed. I wanted to curl up in fetal position, cry, and feel sorry for myself. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to feel my feelings. I had to stuff them down. Stuffing them down, however, wasn’t working for me. I felt pain. Pain in my chest. My bones… they ached. My muscles… they were sore. The emotions I stuffed down were attacking my body.
My phone dinged with a notification from Gmail, reminding me of the complaint I was supposed to check. With a deep breath, I swiped the notification away and hit the Gmail app. It didn’t take me long to find the email. It was at the top, received ten minutes ago. Why didn’t I hear the… oh yeah. I was distracted by hate. On the iPad with Duke’s dusty, trifling dick ass.
